Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I'm sitting here stressed, prayful about the yard sale, things are falling into place. Yet I am stressed. I can't be everywhere, do everything, be someone to everyone. Then it hits me this morning as I'm getting ready to go about my day, sitting with my coffee. My friend Jennifer has a way with words. She posted this essay today, and it struck a chord, as many of her essays often do. I need to stop, breathe, do one thing at a time. Last night I did that, and it worked. I cleared out a major haul of baby clothes that had grown unmanageable. When I focused just on that one task, it was quickly knocked out. Same goes for making dinner, doing laundry, dishes, playing with the kids (although that's more of an ongoing thing to do).

I want to always live in the moment, appreciate the small stuff, live. Simply live. Not be burned out-which is what I'm headed to if I don't lighten the load once again. I'm going to do things one thing at a time, get items squared away as they should be. Whatever happens on Saturday, happens. I'm going to soak up the journey, see where it takes me. I'm not going to get caught up in the minutia of every.single.thing that goes on for everyone, the load needs to be shared, or its just going to get simpler for me. Stress. It can be a positive, or a negative. Its all a matter of perspective.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Legacy-what will yours be?

Making the rounds, calling media, updating information, something stands out. This family is loved. Loved by those who know them, and cared by those who don't. I simply mentioned the family's name to the party supply rental company-and like that, I acquired donated use of whatever tables we need for the event-set up and break down included. I have donations coming in, and volunteers signing up. I'm finding out what Kingsburg offers to cancer families (at least 35 of them being helped by KCAPS right now) and my heart is touched, yet aches at the same time. I don't know what I'm doing, but figuring it out as I go along. I could complain-but Auston is fighting for his life, and the others are fighting too. Life is short, make an impact.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Little brother

Yesterday after school let out, Robert and I took the four children on a trip of a lifetime-4 hours one way to see my little "big" brother sworn in as a police officer in Broadmoor. We made it just in time for the swearing in ceremony, where my dad (who flew in that morning from Wisconsin) pinned on his badge. We went out to a late dinner at Joe's of Westlake after the ceremony with Brian's friend, my dad, Brian's girlfriend and daughter to this wonderful restaurant. Considering we didn't eat until 9 PM, and everyone's schedule was completely thrown off, the kids did fantastic. I was one proud mom! It was great seeing my dad for dinner, and a bit sad that he had to leave bright and early this morning back home. We decided not to spend the night, but will return in a few weeks over Spring Break for some fabulous fun. We made it home at 2:30 this morning, and everyone was off to school at 7:45. Crazy trip for a beautiful reason. Love my husband for doing it with me, for our family. ♥

Friday, February 17, 2012

It's the simple things

Love reaching goals, and having rewards. Coffee & cream, no sugar. Knocking out a mile long to-do list for the charity event, it's falling into place. I don't have all the answers, much of life is a mystery. Faith, hope, love, peace. My heart breaks for those who have lost, and fights for those still in a battle. My mantra has been "Bring it on." Use my talents to help those in need, and fake it until I make it. Show my children that anything is possible, and show them how to help those around us. My husband is my biggest cheerleader, and offers me guidance and strength. It's the small things that have the most profound impact.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Valentines Day 2012

Our plan of having a no-spend Valentine's Day was a fantastic idea. I made a Valentine's Day card for Robert, complete with a sentimental picture of us. Robert won two tickets to Fresno State's Women's Basketball on Saturday after calling into a radio station on Valentine's Day. I went to Moms Time Out with Rebecca, and heard a couple who has been married for 43 years talk about marriage, parenthood, and life. A lot of what they said clicked for me- the challenges we face, working together as a family, having couple time. As we sat together watching Courageous together that evening, it clicked too. Valentine's Day was not about spending money, or buying each other gifts. For us, its remembering how blessed we are to have each other.

Monday, February 13, 2012


This is where we were four years ago. How has life changed? We have four children, the youngest is now 15 months old, a girl who has healed my heart, and shown me I was meant to have four children of my own. We're financially stable, but forever cautious about our finances. We're at a different place in our lives. Peace of mind, spirituality, hope, love, those are consistently on my mind. I strive to be an involved parent, living intentionally with my children. Far from perfect, given to rising tempers or the ebb and flow of four children testing my patience. I do the best I can, I have a husband who is a team player. We started attending a church, the children go to a youth group, and I go to the women's bible study. My friends extend from those I met in playgroup years ago, to those I met when my children were in preschool. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I hurt when others hurt. We're planning to help others in our community that need the extra assistance-words of cancer and tumors, and G-d awful diseases are in our vocabulary. We strive to do more for others than we do for ourselves. I wonder what lies ahead in the next four years. Most of all though, I wonder what lies ahead tomorrow.

Entering sweepstakes-Vons

Melissa at Living a Frugal Life, has a a sweepstakes that ends today. I entered it, hoping I win a $50 gift certificate for groceries-that's almost a week's worth for my family of six. Linking up from her blog to mine garners me another entry. All it takes is a chance, we'll see what happens!

Sunday, February 12, 2012


After a morning of grocery, bakery thrift, and veggie stands, it was time for outside fun. They are my ♥

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Last week I was car-less; Robert met me home after playgroup, and took the van to the college, and I went about picking up three children from two different schools-a good 4 mile round trip walk. The weather was beautiful-bright sun, clear sky, warm for a February afternoon. Rebecca was mellow, Elijah was skipping along, half way running as we made our way to the first school. The whole experience, it was meant to be. My kids taught me a lesson that day. Soak up the sunshine, skip to your heart's content, smile. Too often as adults we get blindsided by our "to-do" lists. I find myself arguing in my head about what I should be doing vs what I want to be doing, and reminding myself that my kids are only this age once-this too shall pass. Too much sickness and sadness surround our community, and that too reminds me, my worries shall pass. My kids are sunshine and hope, carefree and full of wonder. Optimism and curiosity abound. I appreciated them that day for teaching me, reminding me to soak up the sunshine. Gabriel makes me smile often, here's a picture of him that makes me grin :)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

All Aboard-Day Trip to Sacramento

My FB status from late Sunday evening: Angels must have been on my side today. We lost Elijah for a few minutes while boarding the train leaving Fresno, and then lost the camera on the train ride home. Elijah was with a family friend (thanks Stephanie-your husband rocks!) and the train conductor (who knew just where my camera slipped in the cabin). Through it all, I had the perspective that I didn't care about my camera-I was just glad Elijah was safe ♥

We took our annual Cub Scout Pack train trip from Fresno to Sacramento this weekend. We left early in the morning, and had the opportunity to wander around the state capitol. Because it was "Sac Day" all the museums were free-what a wonderful day to come! We walked to the state capitol, and checked out where the Governor's office is located. We saw the rotunda with the architecture and marble and stone artwork. The kids saw where the old treasurer's office, and other places of interest were located.

We then made our way to the Railroad Museum, where it was packed with people! The kids had fun looking at the exhibits, and Robert and I saw a wonderful display of model trains. The whole experience has me looking forward to our trip next month to the Model Train Expo. Here are some pictures from our day out.

see Matthew? sort of like finding Waldo! (between the N & G, wearing glasses)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I don't want to raise a good child

We're reading Lysa TerKuerst's blog in our women's group, and as with the way I've seen life, things are laid out for some unbeknownst reason. I was having a particularly rough afternoon yesterday, completing math homework with Matthew, and writing homework with Gabriel-not because they didn't want to do it, but because they weren't "getting" it. We all were incredibly frustrated, and I remember thinking to myself, patience, patience, patience. Robert ended up helping both boys with it-no tears, less frustration, they "got" it.

After dinner at church last night, Robert took Rebecca home (she was overtired) and I had time to peacefully sit with other women. We watched a video, and read this post. I found myself close to tears, remembering just how hard it was having my three boys close in age, and how I wondered at times what the heck I was doing wrong. There were people I knew that appeared to have it all together, well behaving children and all. Yeah, my kids-far from that, but they were mine, and Robert and I attempted to do the best we could (given there's no parenting manual handed out at birth). I found myself mulling it over as I went to bed, and still find it on my mind this morning.

Fast forward to this morning's hustle and bustle routine. It was easier for me to have patience yestreday afternoon with homework than it was this morning-Elijah couldn't find his shoes, and I tore apart the house looking for them. In a last ditch effort, I called Robert who miraculously answered his phone, and knew exactly where the shoes were (fallen out of the laundry bin, and next to his bed?) We made it off to school, all the children on time, and just a few more grey hairs popped on my head.

I sit now with Rebecca and contemplate how I approach my children. I do the best I can. Some may think they have it figured out, some may think they can do it better, some think I'm going to scar my children for life. At the end of the day, I'm doing the best I can. Robert does too. We give hugs and love and cuddles to all our children. We remind them that doing their best is better than never trying at all. We remind them we love them, cherish them, and they are always our children, for better or worse.

I only wish I had read this earlier in my parenting days, remembering the days of Gabriel making breakfast, the two boys running around like crazy monkeys while I had a newborn to nurse and change. I am more at peace with who I am now, and who I associate with-because they see me for me, and know just how hard it is to be a mom, be a wife, be a woman. I'm not excusing my past wrongs, but instead I look forward to what lies ahead with my children. I look forward to what they teach me today, and everyday.