I looked around our home later before we went to bed and I saw something different than when I had a few hours earlier-the machine holding dishes from a dinner that was made with love-even if it was pancakes, fruit, and yogurt. It would have been fine if it was a freezer meal, or take out, but we managed with what was already here. Clothes waiting to be folded-but yet they were clean. Books scattered-for the love of the boys and my reading, glad those were around. Toys, random to me, loved to the children. Notes-reminding me I'm involved, reminders that my presence is requested, wanted, needed somewhere. The computer-holder of too many emails reminding me of events that I'm supposed to attend, places to go, recipes to follow up on, pictures to print/order for books.
I went to bed, still trying to get comfortable, but with a different mindset- soaking up this pregnancy, not worrying about all that had yet to be accomplished. I wonder who it is I'm carrying, this boy or girl whose face I don't know. Knowing in just a matter of months my heart is going to expand even more than it already has, no matter how crazy our life is/will be, just how much we wanted this baby and how blessed we are to have one more. I am content, there's nothing more that I want. I may think about money or getting things paid off, but really, I don't need more-I may want more-but its more about me wanting to share what we have, my time, energy, love, passion, being a giver, not a taker. Santosha-my mantra.