always shoot for your dreams

All Aboard-Day Trip to Sacramento

2012-02-08T01:28:00.000-08:00

My FB status from late Sunday evening: Angels must have been on my side today. We lost Elijah for a few minutes while boarding the train leaving Fresno, and then lost the camera on the train ride home. Elijah was with a family friend (thanks Stephanie-your husband rocks!) and the train conductor (who knew just where my camera slipped in the cabin). Through it all, I had the perspective that I didn't care about my camera-I was just glad Elijah was safe ♥

We took our annual Cub Scout Pack train trip from Fresno to Sacramento this weekend. We left early in the morning, and had the opportunity to wander around the state capitol. Because it was "Sac Day" all the museums were free-what a wonderful day to come! We walked to the state capitol, and checked out where the Governor's office is located. We saw the rotunda with the architecture and marble and stone artwork. The kids saw where the old treasurer's office, and other places of interest were located.

We then made our way to the Railroad Museum, where it was packed with people! The kids had fun looking at the exhibits, and Robert and I saw a wonderful display of model trains. The whole experience has me looking forward to our trip next month to the Model Train Expo. Here are some pictures from our day out.

see Matthew? sort of like finding Waldo! (between the N & G, wearing glasses)

I don't want to raise a good child

2012-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

We're reading Lysa TerKuerst's blog in our women's group, and as with the way I've seen life, things are laid out for some unbeknownst reason. I was having a particularly rough afternoon yesterday, completing math homework with Matthew, and writing homework with Gabriel-not because they didn't want to do it, but because they weren't "getting" it. We all were incredibly frustrated, and I remember thinking to myself, patience, patience, patience. Robert ended up helping both boys with it-no tears, less frustration, they "got" it.

After dinner at church last night, Robert took Rebecca home (she was overtired) and I had time to peacefully sit with other women. We watched a video, and read this post. I found myself close to tears, remembering just how hard it was having my three boys close in age, and how I wondered at times what the heck I was doing wrong. There were people I knew that appeared to have it all together, well behaving children and all. Yeah, my kids-far from that, but they were mine, and Robert and I attempted to do the best we could (given there's no parenting manual handed out at birth). I found myself mulling it over as I went to bed, and still find it on my mind this morning.

Fast forward to this morning's hustle and bustle routine. It was easier for me to have patience yestreday afternoon with homework than it was this morning-Elijah couldn't find his shoes, and I tore apart the house looking for them. In a last ditch effort, I called Robert who miraculously answered his phone, and knew exactly where the shoes were (fallen out of the laundry bin, and next to his bed?) We made it off to school, all the children on time, and just a few more grey hairs popped on my head.

I sit now with Rebecca and contemplate how I approach my children. I do the best I can. Some may think they have it figured out, some may think they can do it better, some think I'm going to scar my children for life. At the end of the day, I'm doing the best I can. Robert does too. We give hugs and love and cuddles to all our children. We remind them that doing their best is better than never trying at all. We remind them we love them, cherish them, and they are always our children, for better or worse.

I only wish I had read this earlier in my parenting days, remembering the days of Gabriel making breakfast, the two boys running around like crazy monkeys while I had a newborn to nurse and change. I am more at peace with who I am now, and who I associate with-because they see me for me, and know just how hard it is to be a mom, be a wife, be a woman. I'm not excusing my past wrongs, but instead I look forward to what lies ahead with my children. I look forward to what they teach me today, and everyday.

FPU, revisited

2012-01-31T09:34:00.001-08:00

Last night while Robert was at school, the children and I went to an FPU reunion with our former group. We had a potluck dinner, and shared our victory stories. It provided some much needed inspiration, and fellowship that was nice too. I shared my story about paying for our appliance with cash, paying for Robert's tuition and books with cash, and our overall abilty to bless others in a way we weren't able to before having a plan. It was nice to hear how others have stayed on track-and also learned what worked and didn't work for others. The saying that you change your family tree rings true, the boys get it-knowing how we have a plan and when we live life our way, we're protecting (what we can control) our future (as best we can).

The kids were well behaved, and everyone went to bed without much of a fuss. I never know how it will be with four children on my own, especially at night. As l observed though, they looked out for each other, and helped one another. I get the sense that it will get easier going places with all of them, and as long as I have realistic expectations, it should be okay. We've come a long way since last year.

Talk, its all talk

2012-01-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Auston's dad wrote today, "My life has always been about tomorrow. What we do today.. determines our tomorrow. Thoughts were always on who I wanted to be in the future. There's been a huge paradigm shift in my perspective. I'm still mindful that tomorrow exists.. but life is now lived one day at a time. Thoughts have now shifted to being mindful of the man that I am today."

I was bent out of shape this afternoon for an instant-some people have mental issues that either need medication or a reality check, or both-but that's not my concern. I can do what I can, be the glass is half full woman, and keep my head held high through whatever life throws my way. I cannot worry about the little, mundane details. Frankly, as irritated as I was, I had the luxury of being irritated over something small. Lori is fighting her battle with IBC, Auston is fighting his battle with brain cancer, really, life is a gift.

Nothing will change with this individual, but I cannot do anything about it. All I can do is be who I am, and be with my kids. I have to admit I loved foggy school schedule this morning. The kids slept in, I made french toast for breakfast, we all did what needed to get done, and had a productive morning. Yes my kids were ornery with each other-but as I locked my door, and I looked at Rebecca, I said aloud, I am so blessed to be dealing with kids that get on each other's nerves, because they're around each other. Period.

Live

2012-01-27T14:38:00.000-08:00

Live life with perspective. I'm reading an update on a local child who's celebrating his 7th birthday at St Judes, and Imagine comes on the radio. I am planning a rummage sale to help his family during this time, if you have donations, financial, material, supplies, please pm me. Location should be confirmed this afternoon, and will post it once I have it. Also, Team Auston pre-orders for tshirts is still taking place at Kingsburg high school, and on Team Auston's t-shirt presale fb event page. I can't link from my phone, but will link up later.

Mary Ann has encouraged me to read discipleship - Book of Matthew from her church's website. She says it would connect with me. I'm not so sure. I just live life, the way I do. I can only hope my children see and learn, and appreciate the blessings that abound.

Today is Auston's birthday, I'm going to get his mom and sister a gift card and drop it off at the preschool. I can't fathom not being able to celebrate my child's birthday because they're receiving life saving treatment miles away. I can't wrap my head around the agony, but seek solace that her husband is there with him. I will continue to have an open heart, an open mind, an open spirit, to give thanks for what I have, and ease the suffering of those around us.

Ruff and tumble

2012-01-22T18:27:00.001-08:00

Live life. Laugh often. Love like there's no tomorrow.

I often sense I am put in situations for a reason. I went to a coupon class on Friday, held by a mom of five. I have known her since she had three, and I had Matthew and was pregnant with Gabriel. She showed a group of 15 moms how to coupon, how she combines sales and coupons, and uses whole foods to feed her family of seven on less than $400 per month. I went to provide support, answer questions, and share my coupon binder and frugal living experiences. Nikki took it further, talking about freezer cooking and her newfound organization. I love her enthusiam, her authentic self, and as a mom of five boys, her sense of humor and young at heart self (even though she really is young, having turned 30 last year). It clicked hearing her talk about being intentional-indescribable in words, but it resonated in my heart.

Robert went back to school yesterday, and I took the kids to the pet store, craft store, and children's museum. The boys looked at fish, and Rebecca loved looking at the rats. We made silly putty, boys learned about science, and Rebecca crawled, climbed, and was a busy bee at all the stations.

After coming home and making dinner for the crew, I dressed up and went to Cafe 225 with 5 great friends. A restaurant.com $50 off $100 netted us a fantastic dinner and sweet desserts. It was a night that helped restore my spirit.

Today was filled with intentional moments. Pancake breakfast, with a large batch in the freezer. Stampin Up craft time with Andrea restored my spirit-talked about parenthood and cancer, and living with our hearts outside our bodies. Another night, another home cooked meal. My three boys rough and tumble with their dad, Rebecca snuggling with me. Cake Boss marathon, meal planning for the next week. Life is short, and I cherish the time I have with my family.

Too close to home

2012-01-19T15:41:00.001-08:00

It has been an unsettling three weeks. The boys friend A had been picked up on Jan 3rd from the kids after school program by his mom during the day-the teacher on site thought he wasn't feeling well, showing atypical, odd behavior. Mom picked hin up and took him to the pediatrician. Upon seeing A, the ped had him taken by ambulance to Central Valley Children's Hospital, where he had tests and scans. The next morning, Jan 4th, A had a 9 hour sugery to remove a tumor by his brain stem. There was some that could not be removed, and spotting was seen along his spine. On or about the 12th, the final diagnosis of Stage 4 M (I can't remember the name offhand) was given-pediatric brain cancer. It takes my breath away, gut punched as if I just heard it again for the first time. He is the same age as Gabriel, part of our lives going to the same schools, since A and Gabriel were in the toddler/preschool program together. Elijah and A's sister have been around each other since A's mom and I were pregnant. His mom was there when I had problems with Rebecca-and gave me a large amount of Rebecca's wardrobe.

Words can't describe how this has hit them, their family, friends, community.

At bible study last night, it continued to amaze me how everyone in town is connected to this family-from Kingsburg High, to Reedley College, The Learning Center-this is happening to someone we see everyday-and are connected to our community.

The road ahead-it is unimaginable. Hearing statistics, knowing the odds, its horrific. A has been accepted to St. Judes Hospital, and everyone flies out Tuesday.

Friends are starting to pool resources together, to help any way we can. A mom, dad, 6 year old son, and 3 year old daughter. Their life has forever changed-and my prayers are constantly with them.

From life to death

2012-01-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I had two experiences, celebrating life-one just beginning and one that's coming closer to the end. It is indescribable to go from one extreme to another without it making you question and be in awe of life. I experienced joy bringing a new mom dinner, remembering all too well those early days when having baby number two threw off my entire routine. Then to come home and post a tribute for L whose fight with IBC has opened my eyes-to living life to the fullest, with class, and dignity. The tribute 20+ women are putting together has moved me-but I hope it provides just a glimmer of gratitude and hope, and thanks to a woman who has opened her heart to all of us. I have been questioning where my focus needs to lie- in part because of this experience. My heart has been leaning towards a new career endeavor, and while I've wondered how and why I am leaning this way, I have to let it go, and see where it takes me. I'm also appreciating the moments with my kids, with Robert, and being at peace that I don't understand every single t thing that happens. I defintely have these odd dejavu moments though- a bit eerie considering the circumstances. Live life for today, enjoy the moments that come. Hug my babies, don't sweat the small stuff. Its how I'm living my life these days.

Counting my blessings this morning

2012-01-04T10:55:00.000-08:00

It was a shock to hear about one death/unnerving to hear about another impending one. The New Year has just begun, yet it is bittersweet. I try not to let my heart hurt, but its impossible. I try not to cry, but the tears flow. I'm reminded everyday by the actions I take, how my children see me, and the memory I am ingraining in their memory. Its days like yesterday, that lead me to think Elijah and Rebecca are young, what they see now-they may remember the feeling but not the person; remember the scent, but not the words of the menu item, the person that smell was attached to. Matthew and Gabriel are older, yet I know too that their memory is forming more and more everyday. I'm not trying to be a downer, but my heart aches for those hurting. Its impossible not to think about it, as I sit here with baby girl curled on my lap as I type. Its not often, and it won't be long, before the noise dies down, and the toys underfoot disappears. I'm reinvesting in myself and my family, holding tight to those I love, and praying for others along the way.

2011 Recap

2011-12-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

2011 is eight hours away, and reading my fellow blogging friends give 'year end' reviews had me considering whether or not to post one myself. This was quite a year for us, good, and not so good. I'm not one to dwell on misery, but its impossible for me to ignore others suffering and the hurts we've felt. Yet at the same time, this was the year we gave more, and had unexpected blessings in return. I opened my heart and mind, and learned a great deal about being authentic. Even now as I struggle to understand some challenges that have been placed before me and my family, I have faith I/we will figure it out-or if not, have a story to share. My kids and husband have seen the ups and downs-and so I have seen theirs, along with our family and friends. I have learned a great deal about not sweating the small stuff yet growing uncomfortable, and then angry at the big stuff. Reading "Weird" was a pivotal experience for me-it has impacted me in such a way. Indescribable. I am not sure what the future holds, yet will live it with grace and class. As someone I know recently posted, "Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you only have today." This is what I've been striving for, and will continue to do so. Wishing all my family and friends peace, love, and happiness this year.

Little moments

2011-12-29T08:27:00.000-08:00

My boys unearthed my jewelry box in the back of my closet. Mind you-I was less than thrilled with that they took it out, but the fact that they did makes me think there is a reason life unfolds the way it does. I've been wearing a bracelet I rediscovered since that morning, and Rebecca holds onto it while she nurses. I also see what I'm attached to-and why I'm attached to it, and realize some stuff is not as meaningful or significant as I once thought. For others, the opposite is true.

The words of "Sister, sister" said by the boys throughout the days. I love how she toddles after them, curious about what they're doing, wanting to be right there with them as they play dress up and legos. I told Robert she's going to be sad too when they go back to school.

We went to the library and saw Finding Nemo. I found a new cookbook, and new inspiration for meals. Its not always easy to keep on track with our budget, and be inventive, but giving us leeway and seeing the big picture (and not sweating the small stuff) help too.

I love our family life-and helping others-and how karma works. A local mom I know has a daughter almost a year younger than Rebecca. I had offered her clothes before, but she got some from somewhere else. When she asked about purchasing clothes, I quickly offered her what I had from Rebecca-free of charge. What should have been a grocery bag of clothes morphed into a case of diapers size box full of clothes. No sooner do I make arrangements than we come home and there are three bags of clothes on my porch for my boys and Rebecca ♥

Lazy winter days, and long winter nights. Robert and I watched some crazy comedy last night that was something we normally would flip past-it makes me smile how my husband and I attempt (and do succeed) to spend time together alone, because more times than not, we have a child in our bed, or out on the couch with us, or something about the kids is weighing heavy on our minds and hearts.

New chapter

2011-12-22T14:05:00.000-08:00

Life is forever different-because now I have an android smart phone. I am a complete tech geek-but now I'm not tied to my laptop when I want to blog. It will take some getting used to, but I foresee it revolutionizing how I do things at home and while we're out and about. Stay tuned for an update-Hanukkah, visits with family, school and life happenings.

Perspective over Perfectionism

2011-12-20T00:08:00.000-08:00

Ha-in my effort to get this post up, I double checked to see if the image I had taken on Friday was on the computer-yet its not. So the story will have to get posted without it-for now. How's that for perspective over perfectionism?

I lost my cell phone on Thursday night. I realized it right after I had placed Rebecca in her car seat after leaving the store, and drove around the corner. I went back to the store, and asked if anyone turned in my phone. No-it was gone. I went home, thanking my lucky stars that only my cell phone was gone, and not my baby girl. Perspective over perfectionism.

I went home and realized once again how the last text I received was about taking tags off the angel tree at the church where Rebecca and I attend Moms Time Out. I had just gone by there that morning, and taken five tags off the tree. I had chosen a mom and daughter, and a high school student. All could have been anyone I knew in my day to day life. I was glad I had already gone out and purchased the items for those individuals, never mind the fact that I misplaced the wrapping paper I purchased along the way. Perspective over perfectionism.

Life is short-fleeting and beautiful. I work against the grain of perfectionism everyday-its just how I'm wired. I'm taking the time to enjoy the cbildren, enjoy the season. We wrapped our first big set of donations for families and brought them to the church. I think Gabriel got the most out of it-he looked and said, this is going to people who really need stuff. Bless his heart, his face said it all. I wish I could bottle that moment and savor it for a lifetime.

That's perspective over perfectionism.

Christmas tree lane

2011-12-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

I decided this year was the year for us to go to Christmas Tree Lane. Of course, it was a day that Robert had to work late, but it worked out okay-I picked up my friend's children after school, and met her up in Fresno after she was off of work. We had just enough car space to make it work, and it was worth it. The boys were thrilled to see Santa and Mrs. Claus at the shopping center where we parked the car. Hearing the next morning about the stabbing (gang-related) that took place shortly after we left the lane was a bit disconcerting. However, the boys did amazing, walking down 3/4 of the lane (about 2 miles?), and then back again. Miss Rebecca was passed from Heather to me, to Kelsey, and back again-the girl was ooh'ing and ahh'ing as we saw all the lights. We were safe, and made it home in one piece. It was one of the best times we've had, good friends, great conversation, wonderful activity to celebrate this holiday season.

The weirdest blessing

2011-12-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. May God bless you with the weirdest blessing possible-his divine burden. Amen"-Craig Grieschel, Weird

This has stuck home with my family this holiday season. We're shaking up our family traditions, and thinking of others this year. In lieu of spending $45 dollars + on a tree at Hillcrest Farm, which is fun, we have opted to spend that money on adopting a family for Christmas. I'm not sure about how much the boys understand-they do understand the meaning of Christmas, and how we're celebrating Jesus' birth. They have asked whether Santa will come if we don't have a tree, and we told them that Santa comes regardless of having a tree. My friend is going to loan us a spare artificial tree that she has, and I'm hoping that will suffice. Given how we're trying to consistently laying the framework for thinking beyond ourselves, I'm hoping the boys will see the bigger picture. The family we're adopting is a single mom, and she has three children, a six, four, and 2 year old; I'm hoping to get everything squared away in the next week for them; its a welcome burden blessing another household, and I'm looking forward to surprising them.

We have two huge groups of donations headed out, clothes and food, to other great causes. I need to tidy up the rest of the order so we can get those to the families who need it. You don't have to look past the corner to see someone in need, so we're sharing the wealth. I'm excited to spread the holiday spirit with others, and show our children how its better to give than receive.

To quote my friend Nikki, who put this so eloquently as a response to me sharing a recent post about the holiday season "I heard a boy in target last night telling his mom.. NO mom I NEED this Lego set and the mon said ok fine.. Put it in the cart... I wanted to shake her and say PLEASE for the love of God tell that sweet boy he doesn't NEED that! He needs clothes, food and shelter.. He doesn't need that lego set. I am not saying don't buy your kids stuff, just tell them the difference between want and need... "

May we have more smiles than tears, more warmth than cold, and more sweetness this holiday season than ever before. Its the holidays, and its okay to be weird now too.

Adding to the mix

2011-12-04T10:16:00.000-08:00

Last night was a tough night. We went to the holiday parade in town, and the kids participated in the floats. I took Rebecca and Elijah and G with me to the preschool float, while Robert took the older boys to the cub scout float. We came home afterwards and watched a holiday movie, and had dinner picnic style together. During the movie, I noticed G was getting restless, and I figured it was a result of the extra activity this weekend and exhaustion, coupled with missing her mom. Then the tears came. I don't think I was really prepared-although I had kept in the back of my mind since having her here that "acting out" was possible-just didn't think of it as sadness, since we hadn't seen it yet; yet it came.

G has been such a mellow child, fits in easily with our children, the most obvious change for me was adding one more plate to the table. Yet our family is just that-a family-that has rules, and nuances, traditions, and expectations. Going from your own home to someone else's you'd see the obvious differences, but give it time, and even the small decisions, such as where items go, how meals are served, and inside jokes, everyday routines surface. I'm sure it would be different if we knew how long G was going to stay here, or if she wasn't able to see/talk her to her mom whenever she wanted to, but it was still tough. It took all my strength to remind myself that God doesn't give us anything that we cannot handle, and that we were doing good by this child and her mom by welcoming her in our home. I know she misses her mom, and I told her in no way was I going to replace her. Robert attempted to talk with her too, but I think it was emotional overload. We called her mom, and arranged for an early visit this morning with homemade pancakes that I'd send over. G was happy to help make pancakes, and even happier to go to her mom's home. We'll see how this afternoon goes, when we pick her up. I don't know what to hope for, or even expect at this point. I just hope that grace and kindness lead me where I need to go, and life falls into place.

The holiday spirit

2011-12-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

I have been reluctant to get out the decorations this year for the holidays; life is weighing on my heart, and part of me wonders if by getting out the decorations I'm going to deal with it-or mask them with pretty ribbons and bows. I'm not a grinch by any means, but a realist, and someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. There are people hurting, both near and far, and frankly it makes me think about the true meaning of the holidays. I am not sure quite what this is leading up to, but as with how I've chosen to live my life thus far, I'm going to see where it takes me.

We've had a child staying with us for awhile now. Her mom is laid up with a broken ankle and wrist, and instead of her being passed around from home to home, we invited her here to stay. Its amazing to me how another child fits right in with all the noise, but somethings never take the place of mom. Robert is loving and kind, in that he's allowed this child to stay here, and has opened his heart to helping a person who is stuck in a bad place. We don't have all the answers, and are taking life one day at a time. That's all we can do, and have faith that everything will fall into place.

With the holidays approaching, presents are not far from the children's minds. We've been talking with them about the importance of taking care of each other, and those around us. I think when they see how we're helping our friend and her daughter, they're seeing that not everything can be wrapped in a box. The children's program at the church in town is working on making a donation to World Vision, and have plans on buying an animal for a family. Its inspiring to hear, and I hope as the children do activities geared towards adding to this cause, they pull from it the meaning of the holidays. We're also doing activities with Cub Scouts and school-both with canned food drives and adopting families. Its a bit crazy with everything going on at once, but at the same time, we aspire to show the children this way of life throughout the year-its just a ton of reinforcement at once. So while the vision of Santa bringing a DS is not far from their minds, they also see how people take care of each other too.

So with all this said, it does seem like the holiday spirit is around us. There are opportunities for us to make it meaningful. I'll keep my prayers going for those who are hurting, and aspire to do good for my children and those around me.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-25T09:48:00.000-08:00

We are spending the Thanksgiving weekend at home this year, just the six of us. It was fun making pies, stuffing, turkey, the works as a family-took time, but the memories are priceless. It was a stark contrast from last year, with me in the hospital with a brand new baby, and Robert at home with our three boys. Grateful and thankful to have my children, all healthy and home with me, and a partner who is active in raising them. We took a bike ride yesterday, will go to the Salvation Army canned food drive movie with friends today, and spend family time the rest of the weekend. I'll take out the decorations for the holiday season, and we'll watch some holiday movies. Our lives are incredibly blessed ♥

Rebecca and the circle

2011-11-24T14:48:00.000-08:00

The circle of our family once had 5 parts, yet never felt completely finished. Deep inside, I knew-Robert did too-because actions speak louder than words. We welcomed Rebecca into our lives one year ago today, and while Robert knew who she was, I had no clue until she was placed on my chest. I love my daughter, the one I wasn't quite sure I would know what to do with, but shows me everyday that its okay. Its okay not to know-its okay to find out, to explore, to grab onto something and not let go. Its okay not to have all the answers, to do things perfectly, because life is like that. Yet, Rebecca fit into our lives perfectly, the noise, the heart and soul, our family. It was meant to be to have a large family. Happy birthday sweet Rebecca, may this year bring you more firsts, and more sweetness. We love you.

November 24, 2010

One month old
Two months old
Three months old
Four months old
Five months old
Six months old
Seven months old
Eight months old
9 months old
10 months old
11 months old
12 months old

Eat my cupcake Elijah

2011-11-22T10:53:00.001-08:00

Elijah decorated the cupcakes for his class.
passing out the sweets
one of his best friends
blowing out the candle
little sister sneaking over to say hi

Last week, Elijah and I brought cupcakes to his preschool for his 4th birthday. It was bittersweet for me, having done this twice already, I thought it wouldn't be so hard. Yet, doing it with my little boy, I know this is the last year of preschool cupcakes for him. Next year, he'll be in kindergarten. We already had the first assessment done, and the preschool says he's ready (even though I may not be).

Elijah is my spunky boy. Arriving 14 minutes after Robert and I arrived at Clovis Community, he has kept us on our toes. He is my tiny boy, but big in spirit. We had a rough go when he was first here, PPD overshadowed my world-but we pulled through. I couldn't imagine not having him in our lives, he was the little brother my boys needed-we just didn't know that until he was here. Elijah is curious, and quite the charmer. Batting his eyes, he's quick with a smile and a hug. I do see how he's different when his brothers/sister are not around, and I cherish all the time we have together. Elijah is a talker-speaking his mind since he was 18 months old, and hardly staying quiet. I love the random conversations we have, everything from God and heaven, to police cars and school. You'd think he'd get lost in the shuffle between two older brothers and a baby sister, but Robert and I take care to ensure that doesn't happen. He's a helper, and creative, with an active imagination. I can't wait to see all he accomplishes, and am his biggest cheerleader. To my baby boy, I love you. Life is so much sweeter because you're here.

Birthday mash

2011-11-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Elijah's birthday. All about him, my youngest boy turned 4. He took the lead on how he wanted to spend the day. The three of us watched Barney and Racing Stripes under the blankets in the living room. We took silly pictures with the camera. There was cake and ice cream for lunch, and then a long walk to pick up the three boys. We went to church last night for the family dinner, and then Elijah ran off to the children's program. He was happy and carefree, excited to show me a bible buck he earned. After we came home it was late, he was tired, we all went to bed at 8:30 p.m.

This weekend will be the big party celebration, with friends and ice cream, tomorrow we're bringing cupcakes to celebrate at preschool. Elijah is happy about all the festivities. His main highlight has been having cupcakes and cake, and ice cream. Mine has been seeing his smile, wrapping my arms around my child, knowing he's healthy and happy, and loved.

I'm excited about the birthday party this weekend. Lots of great ideas have been shared with me offline and online, the internet has been a wonderful tool. I had a friend make party favors for me, excited to see how they turned out. I have the family gift for each child tucked away, and the items set aside from my dad and brother. Its been a crazy couple of weeks, but I'm happy that its about something fun. Life is very good these days, and I'm soaking it up.

Happy birthday Gabriel

2011-11-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

Gabriel 11/11/2005

6 years ago you came barreling into our lives. Arriving a mere 20 minutes after we arrived at the hospital, you and I shared the moment of introducing yourself to daddy, who missed your birth by 10 minutes. I was eager to meet you, but scared-how was I going to parent two little ones so close together in age. You and I grew together, always keeping one another on our toes, wide awake, ready to play. I quickly learned what Grandma meant by having my sneakers on, you always kept me on the go. I wouldn't change it for anything having you so close in age to your brother. Its that closeness in age that makes the two of you fast friends, always looking for each other when the other one is not around, always ready to share a story, a snack, a toy. Gabriel, you are the one I can count on to say "Let's go Mommy, its time to play!" You are the one who has an insatiable curiosity and love for being active-as trying to cook breakfast at a young age showed me and your dad. You are sweet and loving, always ready with a hug and a kiss. You love to snuggle and cuddle, both with me and your dad, as well as your brothers and sister. You are an amazing helper. First one in the kitchen to help me cook, or do something to help your sister. I love your energy, your spunk, you know how to get us up on our feet and have a good time. I loved having you home with me, our weekly outings with MOMS Club and Play Pals, you fit right into the mix. I can't wait to see how you grow this year, I've told you enough times I can't blink because if I do, I'll miss something. You smile and laugh, and grab my hand. Happy birthday sweet boy, happy birthday.

4 weeks old

6 weeks old

3 months old

6 months old
18 months old

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

5 years old

6 years old

Impeccable timing

2011-11-07T16:59:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite bloggers, Money Saving Mom, wrote this post and it resonated with me. I have been striving for discipline lately, not for my children per se, but for myself. I've found in the past that when I'm busy, I'm disciplined. However, the women's group at the the local church has me rethinking the word "busy". Lately its finding a balance between being busy and taking on too much, and keeping up with day to day life and enjoying what life has to offer. As such, sitting at the computer has fallen by the wayside, although I miss the time for self reflection. I still yearn for it, but lately there were just things that took priority.

I made the statement to Robert last night that I felt I had life at home more under control when I was in grad school and a mom to young boys than I do now. He looked at me and said, "You weren't a mom to four then." So is that the difference? If I look at the big picture, there has been a lot going on, but its because I wanted to be an active participant with all the kids. In no uncertain terms have I felt over-scheduled, but instead chose to fully participate in activities that brought joy and purpose to our lives. There have been a series of doctors appointments for the children, but that's on course for taking care of their needs. The me-time I'm used to having has ebbed and flowed with having an increasingly active 11 month old, with both her wanting me sometimes non-stop, and other times, being content to play with her brothers or herself while I take care of something at home. The me-time at the computer has been relegated to skimming on the smartphone, and downloading books to my Kindle. When the night is quiet I want to sit with my husband-who right now is under a lot of pressure with work. Sleep has taken priority, because a teething baby has wreaked havoc on what was a normal bedtime routine.

There's a lot I still don't understand about why things happen-but like I've said before, I'm going to enjoy the journey and where it takes us. Life is too short not to enjoy what's right in front of us. At the same time, in the days/weeks to come, I hope to carve out time to update what's going on here. I have pictures, a video, want to share what's going on with the Allen crew. I have let this blog fall by the wayside, but its not disappearing. Stay tuned.

Dream a little dream

2011-10-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

It has been wonderful and crazy, time consuming and exhilarating, to have my mother in law, and dad, brother too, here over the weekend. It was a careful orchestration of going to Sacramento last week with Rebecca to pick up my MIL, come home, do all that needed to get done for Cub Scouts and soccer, school too, to chill and enjoy family. I love seeing my dad, and brother. Rebecca took to everyone well, some sooner than others, but that's to be expected. I had time with my MIL, alone, with Robert, and with the baby too. The children enjoyed seeing their grandparents, not only for Grandparent's Day, but for the weekend too. It was bittersweet bringing his mom home yesterday, but at least I didn't do it alone. Somehow going with the kids and Robert, time went by faster. The six hour trip was smoother than when I did it alone with the baby.

Robert and me grew closer this weekend, sometimes I wonder how that's possible, we've been together so long, or so it seems, yet seeing the old pictures up on his mom's walls, it reminds me how time flies. Time flies... There were bittersweet moments, like just why my dad is here this week, or Grandparent's Day, to know that while everything is not "perfect", nothing really is, but I'm grateful for what we do have.

Life is worth living, so I enjoyed that glass of wine I had the other night, the one I'm having now too. We had a blast with Cub Scouts at the dinner and camp-out. Soccer was fun the following morning. Our family has plans to acquire camping equipment, emergency preparedness necessities as part of the boys reaching their goals. My dad gave me a great lead on acquiring items from a friend back in the Bay Area, so we'll see how that pans out. I also have plans to acquire items through other means, so it will stretch out our dollars. As long as the kids have fun, and we're properly set up, its a win-win situation.

I have plans for Robert for his birthday, scoping out Las Vegas tickets (both plane and show), seeing what we want to do next year for his 50th birthday. We do have our share of concerns, what we want to do if/when his job ends, where that road will take us. Yet planning to do something for the two of us, no credit cards necessary, sounds sinfully sweet. Unheard of. Who goes to places like LV paid for before you step on a plane? I feel like the crazy woman with the cash envelope, biding my time for our vacation, the proceeds getting thicker, slowly at a time. So this birthday is on a smaller scale, but with grand plans for next year. We'll enjoy each other this year, and kick off the three birthdays that follow his own within a two week period. It'll be a birthday bonanza, but how fun that will be. Times like celebrating 4 birthdays in a two week period could be uber-stressful, or a lot of fun. I choose to have fun-never in my wildest dreams did I see myself with a large family, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. That's what I get for dreaming a little dream, and the reality is sweet.

Plank Pulling Thursday: She's come undone

2011-10-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.

As I brought Elijah into preschool this morning, I heard the wailing from the front gate. I didn't know who or why, but I knew what-someone was not happy. I brought Elijah in, he proceeded to sit down at a table with his friends, and seemed unfazed by the commotion. The teachers looked at me, and said "Someone's having a rough morning." I smiled, and said "I understand. Sometimes I wish I could do the same thing." It had been one of those mornings, which has slowly become one of those weeks. I don't want it to unravel further, and become one of those months. Yet its clear that I'm slowly coming undone. I'm working on being at peace with that-its a struggle. Often times I tell the boys its okay when things go awry, such is life. Yet when Murphy has knocked at the door before, and I've taken steps to ensure his presence is far from welcome, and still I see his shadow lurking, it gives me pause. Life will cantor on, I may do the two step shuffle right now, instead of my samba or mambo. Yet, I think of the elderly frail woman I saw in Target the other day. Bent over, her husband (who looked just as frail and elderly as her) with his arm draped around her, she made her way from one side of the store to the other. Their few selections in their basket, pushing it together, one small step at a time. This may have been the one outing they took together all day. In the grand scheme of life, what's going on with life now is minute. I need to remember that, realize its okay to let it all out, because eventually I do come back. I will have battle scars, but those scars are signs of a survivor, not a victim.

Hiding behind the ice cream

2011-10-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

It has been a rough weekend. We had to put Sammy to sleep this weekend. The kids are devastated. Robert and I are both heart broken. I replay what happened, and all the what ifs, what could, what should have happened's in my mind. Its on auto replay. Constant. Its hard to shut it off. You would have to have a heart of stone for this not to have bothered you, or to have compassion. I told my brother this weekend, it really sucks to be a parent sometimes, and this was one of those times. I hope time dulls the pain-eases the memory of having to break the news that Sammy wasn't going to come home with us, it makes me sad now writing it, even though I thought it would be cathartic writing. I hate the silence in the morning-the gap of not hearing her bang her bowl around, leaving a trail of kibble just the way she did. The fur, somehow vacuuming it up is harder this time, I can't yet do it. I've left myself open to the children-grieving in their own way. Robert is too. He was with her when the vet gave her the medicine to go to sleep. We all had an opportunity to say goodbye-both before she was given the dose, and after it was done. It was one of those occasions that we were in unfamiliar territory-we didn't know what we were doing until we were in the thick of it. I have pictures of the boys with Sammy, and of Robert with her too. Right now though, its hard to look at them. As a final gesture of love, the boys left a doggy treat by Sammy's paw, and a human mint too. The human mint was for Uncle Merle, who we hope greeted Sammy on the other side. The doggy treat was a treat for Sammy, something for her to enjoy over there. The questions come and go, is Sammy in heaven? When is Sammy coming home? Why did Sammy have to go? Will we get Sammy back? I hate the questions-if only because I don't have the answers. The tears come and go, the sadness is there. Its heart wrenching, grabs ahold of your throat, and makes it hard to breathe. I hate what its doing to the boys, and as us as a family. For all the times I wasn't fond of having a pet, its nothing compared to the happiness I had at having something here that made my children happy.

So I'm hiding behind ice cream, dulling the pain tonight with ice cream. The pain of losing Sammy is there, it will be there, but this is comforting. Writing and having outlets may help, it doesn't erase it, make it go away. At the same time, it helps me cope. Maybe writing is helpful after all.

Time

2011-10-06T09:28:00.002-07:00

Time crunch. It hits. I'm exhausted. Overwhelmed. Freaked Out. Panic Attack. I hated being like this. It a vicious one, one that I've been slowly disentangling myself from, slowly, unraveling the layers, one layer at a time. Going to the family dinner and bible study on Wednesday night has started being a good outlet for me-and the family. I was worried about adding one more thing to our plate, wondering if it was going to be too much. Yet, its having the opposite effect. Its causing me to reexamine how I live my life, how I want to live. Really live, not just exist.

Speaking of living, I about busted up laughing yesterday with a good friend. I just read this stupid post on facebook, one where I congratulated someone on paying for a brand new car in cash. A reply to my comment was, "How does a new car equate to no payments? Usually a new car means new payments unless you're a billionaire!" Immediately I thought of a friend who paid for her minivan in cash, and thought, well she's a billionaire when it comes to love and family, so maybe that's alright. Mind you, I don't know what's in her wallet, and I don't care.
I then saw a post where my friend wrote about struggle to follow Dave Ramsey at that moment, and I wrote, "I just saw the stupidest post about only billionaires being able to pay cash for cars. seriously, the phrase slave to lender came to mind. ugh, lets be weird together, and go to dinner tonight at the church. much better use of our funds :)" Over dinner we laughed about how she's trying to get rid of her car payment, and how we've been going for
almost four years with only one car, because to add a car payment to our budget would stress us out. I look forward to the day of not having a car payment, of paying for Robert's truck with cash.

So time, it has a way of going. I have been soaking up Rebecca's babyhood with cuddles, helping the boys with the challenges of homework, the watching old Dennis the Menace shows with them. We eat together, Robert and I chill after bedtime. I'm reexamining commitments, realizing its okay to say no. Its hard, because I always say yes. Yet its okay to be still, its necessary. Robert is telling me to slow down-and I am. Its hard, I fight my inner worker bee mentality. I want to show my children what it is to live, not just exist. We're becoming weirder by the day, and that's okay.

What matters

2011-10-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

We had a late morning this morning, first time since school started. I took the kids out of order for drop off, no sense in making everyone late since only one child was really late.This song came on the radio, and I could see Gabriel trying to sing along to the lyrics. He's my active boy-always on the move. So when I saw him doing something incredibly sweet, it made me smile. He blushed and grinned when he caught my eye, didn't think I had seen him. We laughed together, and then I dropped him off at school. He still let me give him a kiss goodbye, I think I'll miss it when he stops. Until then, I'll take his wet kisses-he's my tough guy, but he still loves to show affection ♥

Short and sweet

2011-10-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

*should have posted this last night-posting it now.

I'm overdue for bed, but was able to accomplish quite a bit during these quiet hours. My daytime is filled with baby R, who I snuggle and love to bits. The boys are less snuggly, but have been grasping for my hand, my words, my eyes. They seek me out-and I'm doing what I can to be available-so the computer sits. Work sits too, and that's a-ok.

I'm rising above the mess, what comes when there's a mess. Life happens. I am working on seeing things as annoyances, yet the control is sometimes hard to relinquish. Once I let go, I'm at peace. Its getting to that point sometimes that's a struggle. Always wanting to take a full plate on, but learning how to balance seems like its always a struggle.

We scuffled through a week. Eye doctors and soccer, and cub scouts too. Throw in a playdate at a park and one at Chuck E Cheese, topped off by more soccer and a baby shower. I tagged and sold clothes at Just Between Friends too. It has been quite the week. Somehow I made it through, and relaxed today.

We went to a bbq for the buyers at the Fresno Fair today. My friend Heather took us as her guests; the boys loved seeing the behind the scenes at the fair. We ate lamb, and goat, turkey, and something else. The kids played, and Rebecca ate goat. So weird, but so good. Perfect bbq weather. We're buying top off bids for Heather's daughter's lamb, so next year we'll get tickets to the fair and tickets to the bbq. I'm glad we get to help her out; K already said she'll babysit us as a thank you-I'm all for that, but I love family time. Time has a way of going, soaking it up while I can.

Find North

2011-09-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I left Robert at home with four children, three soccer games, two coolers, and one parent's helper so I could have the experience of seeing Dave Ramsey LIVE in Long Beach. It was worth every second of planning. It took planning with my friend Heather, both her family and mine, to support us, and let us go-and it was worth every second. I have found a dear friend in Heather. You see, we can talk about everything under the sun- finances, relationships, parenthood, and womanhood. We hold each other accountable, tell each other our screwups, and offer support to each other. Between her and a couple of other women (one who reads this blog locally) they have offered support, kind words, and still will tell me like they see it. That's friendship ♥ Worth everything to me. The 3 hour 45 min car ride each way was filled with conversation-I don't think the radio was ever turned on and any silence that was there was comfortable silence. It was beyond awesome. I gained a new appreciation for my husband, new appreciation for myself, and respect for others going to this event. This event did not change me or become the catalyst for a major uprising. What it did was provide inspiration, reinvigorate me, and gave me an opportunity to do something for myself and my family. I ♥'d it-so much that I found myself thinking how I was at peace. So weird. Than again, it's normal to be broke. Weird to have (financial) peace. Here are some of my pictures from that day's event. I had captions with them, I'll try to go back and remember what I intended to write down. At the same, some pictures just don't need an explanation.

Dave Ramsey entering the Long Beach Arena-pure adrenaline rush when he entered the room.

How punctuation changes everything. Next time I feel like being a stay at home parent is not worth it, I need to rethink my statement.
Credit cards are not worth all the trouble they create for us. Cash and debit are it. Cutting up credit cards was the best decision we have made in this journey.

I indulged-I bought a book. Two actually (the other one was Gazelles, Baby Steps, and 37 other Things That Dave Ramsey Taught Me About Debt). Both signed by Jon Acoff.

I met Jon too. Down to earth, friendly, well spoken. I follow him on Twitter now too, I find myself encouraged and inspired by his words.

I love this clip of Dave Ramsey speaking about getting Gazelle intense about our money. Inspiring, encouraging, light a fire underneath you, give you shivers.He was so passionate, energetic, the crowd was going nuts.

Racel Ramsey Cruze (his daughter) spoke about FPU Junior, something we're incorporating into life at home.

Loans for school? We'll have funds for our four children to further their education, college or training.

What a common sense concept. Simple. We're not living like the Jones' because we're not the Jones'. When I hear someone went on a trip, bought a big/small shiny object, dined out-I have to admit, I wonder. Did they pay with cash? Its in me (and no I don't actually ask people that-its rude, in my opinion). I do think it though-and enjoy paying for stuff we consume, wear, go to, in cash. It has a nicer feel to it, when a bill doesn't follow you home.

Our marriage, family life, friendship is influenced by how we spend money. I'm looking forward to a debt-free vacation to Vegas next year with my husband to celebrate his big birthday. I love our weekends with our children, activities we do with them, both near and far from home. Hanging out with friends is awesome, in all our backyards, local parks, and wherever a two for one coupon is accepted (and we do all the groupons we can handle too). Life is amazing because we work at it to be-we have this one opportunity to give it our all, so we do.Budget-I'm gladly taking bets on if Rebecca is going to say this word or "coupon" when she learns how to talk.

Inspirational moment. I had goosebumps on my arms. This is what its about-showing each other the money-not being blindsided, rejected, depressed. Those days have happened, emergencies will arise. I always pray for good days, but along with that the wisdom and endurance to get through the tough ones too. Life is far from perfect, but it is what it is, and for that I am grateful.

Dave Ramsey Book Signing

2011-09-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

I strive to do fun things with my children. New adventures are around every corner, its a matter of perception. One appeared to me last week, and I thought it would be awesome to take the four children on my own to a book signing. Hmmm, it was no easy feat. 3+ hours in a line for a 2 minute face to face interaction. Worth.every.second. The boys were exposed to something new, I bought a book (eek, full price!), and met Dave Ramsey face to face. Upon telling him that I would be in LA tomorrow for his Total Money Makeover event, he was surprised I was traveling all that way. So excited to tell him, so excited to hear him talk back to me. It was a once in a lifetime moment, and I did it with my children. Robert smiled when I came home, and he said, "I knew you'd take on the challenge. How was it?" I told him AWESOME! He was proud of me, and so was I. I did it!

A smidgen of the crowd waiting to see Dave Ramsey

The boys with their snack waiting to meet Dave Ramsey.

Love my kids-they make me smile everyday!

Love Rebecca's arms-she's like "Hey, you're showing off my diaper!"

Waiting in the line, where we stood for 2 hours.

Still waiting!

Matthew helped keep Rebecca chill while we waited.

Our first glimse of Dave Ramsey!

(Thanks to Crystal for taking these pictures for me!) We got to meet Dave Ramsey :)

He is so down to earth, amazing to see the face of the voice I hear literally almost every day from 11am-1pm on the radio, or on podcasts. I can't wait to dive into his book, More Than Enough. This was one for the memory bank. Good times :)

Family time

2011-09-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to talk just to talk, but this weekend, my husband was amazing. Saturday was a long day, in part because of the CCPOA union meeting, and soccer x2. Despite this, my husband woke us up at 5:30 a.m. Sunday morning, when it was still pitch black out, so we could go see hot air balloons take off at a local event. We bought donuts on the way there, tempting the boys with them to get up early and without much fussing. Well worth it, and my heart was happy. Happy to spend quality family time together, making memories, continuing traditions. Last year I was pregnant with Rebecca, and had thought how wonderful it would be to share this with our baby this year. She was mesmerized by the balloons, even waving as one of them took off-melted my heart ♥ Here are some pictures of that beautiful day.

All my boys

Time for donuts!

A special treat, having donuts while balloons take off

Mommy and kids

Little R sleeping when we first got there

Beautiful!

Rebecca and Daddy

Robert with both our eldest and youngest children

Jennifer and kids

Matthew, my big boy

Love Elijah and his smile

Rebecca mesmerized by a balloon in front of her.

Bits and Pieces

2011-09-17T23:26:00.000-07:00

Life has been going at a fast rate. Its hard sometimes to keep above the fray, I've wondered how much would subside if I unschooled/homeschooled, and wonder still if that would make a difference. The decision thus far is to take each day/week as it comes, reevaluate based on progress/comfort/what's taking place.

We had a meeting with Matthew's teacher on Friday. There are concerns about his learning. Actually, about his eye sight. Not about his vision per se, but more about his perception. It makes sense, actually is logical given what I've personally observed at home. I'm up for taking him to the opthomologist (sp?) that his teacher recommended/worked with in town for umpteen years. Normally I'd be a bit wary, but maybe its my gut-no it is my gut, that's telling me to go with this. I want him to be confident-there's no worry of his being smart, catching on, just a different way of physically completing tasks that has his teacher concerned before the work gets more difficult. I'm up for that.

Today I took all four children to soccer alone, all morning long, while Robert went to his union meeting. This was a huge test, in part because next week is my day trip with Heather. I'm a bit apprehensive, but at the same time, I know my husband is capable. The kids were easy. It was cake. Mind you, I had the 2 mile walk home (I'll call it a perk since it was a success ;) ) We ran into a school friend, who invited us over for a play date. An hour and a half later, we started the walk home. We made a stop at the library. The boys read books, and I enjoyed the break. We made it home and watched Rainbow Brite while Matthew played with a neighbor. It was doable. I managed. I was on my own, car-less, from 8am to 2:45pm, and it was fine. Next week will be a longer day, but Robert will have the car, and a teenager to help him at the soccer field. He should manage.

Now I site, way past my normal hour. Kids are asleep, Robert is too. Laundry is waiting to be folded, new loads already going in both the dryer and washer. The dish machine is loaded, clean dishes put away. My glass of wine is beckoning. Life is amazing. This is what its about. I am beyond lucky to have my husband and four kids. Counting my blessings tonight and always.

Schedules

2011-09-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Jennifer at The Path Less Taken shares the same wavelength as me, sometimes more than I realize. She wrote this post about schedules and I found myself nodding along with it. Quite frequently I might add. See, I've been having the same problem. Lately I've felt like I'm spinning my wheels. Everyone gets where they need to be, but the time I've had to myself has slowly whittled away to something almost non-existent. I'm to the point where I'm hoping for a hot shower at 9pm after everyone is in bed so I can wash away the heat of the day and all the stress of getting everything done literally off my back. That's it, a hot shower.

Something has to give. But what? The quick fix of making a schedule, limiting activities, using the crock pot-I do it to some degree; but I need to step it up a notch. I need to take the pressure, as Robert says, to be different from my mom (yes it comes back to that too). I need to find a balance, whatever that might be, for where I am now. Its not the same balance as it was 3 months, 6 months, or even 9 months ago as I prepared for the birth of our fourth child.

I'm working tirelessly to finish one project after another, watching how much I bite off, wanting to see my work completed. Its been getting there-some days are better than others. I've tried stepping it down a notch since a couple of weeks ago-its worked to some degree. Annoyances like car accidents and broken appliances still happen (two incidents that I would like to one day blog about) but life has moved at such an amazing fast pace, that I don't have all the hours in the day to do everything it is I want to do, including blog (which is a great stress reliever and way to journal life with my family).

So for now, I'm not abandoning this blog. Reading Jen's post has given me food for thought. I will mull it over tonight, after we come back from supper at Heather's church (another activity I've been wanting to journal about). I will pray on it. I'll see where this road leads me, what journey awaits.

Biting off more than I can handle

2011-09-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.

For weeks now I've been contemplating whether or not to home school, or un-school my children. I've sat around, prayed, chewed on it, have thought it to death. Why, oh why, would I want to do this to myself-and to them. Today, it hit me.

Time.

We are always on the go, more or less, throughout our week. When the boys were younger, our days were filled with storytime, playtime, playgroups, and other fun activities. Those activities melded well with whatever it was I was doing- whether it was graduate school, focusing on motherhood, substitute teaching, or being a mystery shopper. I felt fairly capable of handling it all.

Yet today, literally and figuratively, I ran out of gas. I had plans this morning to do what needed to get done with my monthly shops, so I wouldn't have to worry about a shortened work/school week next week. I had a dentist appointment for myself (which in itself is not a huge deal, but keeping the appointment is actually something I had to force myself to do). We had two soccer practices in the evening, both at the same time, but on different fields. I was responsible for shuttling kids around from drop off this morning to pick up this afternoon, back and forth to soccer practice, and making breakfast, lunch, and dinner times six. I'm exhausted just reading it, and yet I lived it today. Then it happened.

On the way home to my dental appointment this afternoon, I ran out of gas. Thankfully, I had just pulled off the freeway onto the street I go to take home. Thankfully, the person I had set up to watch Rebecca was already waiting outside my home, and able to ferry over a gas can to me. Thankfully, the person who had the dental appointment after me showed up early, and the dentist's office switched our appointments. Thankfully, it all worked out. Was it stressful? In someways yes, but honestly, I was not bothered by it as much as I could have been-I have mellowed out in age, having the amount of responsibility I have, and seeing the big picture. Recently hearing about women facing terminal illnesses, both their own and their loved ones, puts annoyances like what happened to me in perspective.

Yet, here's my plank. I still bite off more than I can handle. I am reluctant to say no-to anything. I'm still standing after everything that happened today-and I will get up tomorrow with my plate completely full. Will it change? Perhaps. Robert wants me to enjoy life-the fruits of my labor, the boys, Rebecca. Not work so much, so hard, do so many projects, spread myself too thin.

I see life as a journey though, and want to soak up everything that I can from it. I only get to live once, I might as well sleep when I'm dead. Yes I said dead; but I'm not going anywhere yet, I hope. In that spirit, I will enjoy what I have in front of me, my full plate, soak up all the experiences that face me. I will thank my lucky stars to have friends who see me for me, show up with a gas can to fill me up (both literally and figuratively) and look to be the same friend to others.

What I give of myself

2011-08-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

I find that things happen for a reason, sometimes without even knowing it. This weekend I went to the Northern CA Meet-N-Greet for MOMS Club. It was an uplifting experience, and far surpassed my expectations. I was apprehensive of going, I was going by myself, Robert was dropping me off in Manteca, and then traveling on to Sacramento to see his mom for a visit.

I was worried. How would the kids do? How would Rebecca do? Would I leak milk halfway through the event? Would I get a panicky call that Robert couldn't find me (w/o GPS/map book, I'm always using my smart phone for directions when we go out as a family)? I didn't know anyone there? Aghhhh. It really shouldn't have been that big of a deal; yet, I was having anxiety. Seriously what gives? I prayed on it, I let it go, I kept the phrase, "What will be, will be. Don't sweat the small stuff." It was a 3 hour drive with that phrase in my head, but I needed that to get me through w/o nitpicking on my husband, children, or driving myself crazier.

Going there, and being surrounded by women; not just any women, but women who were committed to providing support to others in their community, was inspiring. We came from all walks of life, not one of us had the same background. Yet we all at one time, reached out for support, and now we were returning the favor.

I am a total sap-I fell back in love with the concepts, the ideas. It's not rocket science. However, its very AP, wholesome, lovey dovey lets hang out vibe, and then boom. Someone mentioned Moms Night Out, Iron Chef, Lunch Bunch. I ♥ it. I am energized. I remember what brought me into the fold, what I got out of it, what I want to put into it. I ♥ it. I have wondered what this next year is going to bring. How it could be the last year for being part of MC. Do I want it to end? What do I need as a mom, a parent, a woman, a sister? I come back to this. I am who I am because I made the conscious decision to reach out- that is forever in my DNA. I love being surrounded by others, I love being part of something. I may not know what it is I'm doing half the time, but I'll fake it until I make it, or make a bumbling fool of myself and have a great story to tell when I'm old and gray.

What I give of myself: love. energy. a drive. a passion. a desire to be connected to those in my community, both next door to me, and from afar.

Robert managed with the boys and Rebecca. Grandma had a wonderful visit, which I got to hear about while I waited for my crew to pick me up after the event. I did not leak (and this is huge, considering I'm preparing for a road trip with Heather later this month. It took a leap of faith, a lot of prayer, and everything worked out.

Bring on the next challenge, my phrase of "What will be, will be. Don't sweat the small stuff." will get me through. Trust, faith, it has amazing results :)

You have your hands full

2011-08-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style.

If I had a dollar for every single time I hear that, I'd have quite the retirement fund. Yes, I hear that a lot. When I'm at the grocery store, two kids walking alongside me, one hanging off the cart, the baby in her infant car seat taking up the entire bottom of the basket. I hear that at the post office, when I have all three boys, standing outside where the post office boxes are, and the baby is on my hip, because our post office is tiny-and better them standing there looking at boxes than them playing with the line markers.

I even heard it on the soccer field yesterday, as I trudged through 98 degree heat with three wound up boys, and a sweaty baby, looking for a soccer coach that was nowhere to be found (but was at another site). My kids were not obnoxious or rude, they were well behaved-its not the most pleasant experience to think you're going to play soccer and meet your team, only to find out you're not getting to play because we had the wrong information. Yet it took time, patience on my part, and we made it through. And then it came, "You have your hands full." No, that's not why I was irritated-it was because of miscommunication-yet in the grand scheme of life, it was not a huge deal, we got over it. Its not worth sweating about-literally and figuratively, this is going to happen. Its all how you handle it-and I knew I had four sets of eyes on me watching as I handled it.

It's the "You have your hands full." remark that made me think "Really, you don't think I know that?" I simply said, "Yes, and I wouldn't change it for anything, its a lot of fun." I mean it. Although the noise is loud sometimes, the rare bits of silence at my home is deafening. Although the laundry piles up quickly, we do one load a day (or at least make an effort to) so it doesn't get out of hand-yet if and when it does, it gets put away quickly with five sets of hands to help. Although the food bill grows by the month, no one goes hungry. Although I contemplate just how we're going to pay for soccer, school pictures, life in general times four, my parents did it. Many parents do it. We're not made of money, yet we never went without, and neither will our children. We will make it work.

What we have is a lot of fun. There is always someone to play with, someone to read to, some adventure waiting. I may sit and wonder what adventure will happen for me when all my children are in school/preschool, yet I am enjoying what I have now. I may have my hands full, but at the end of the day, my home is full with all the babies I wanted to have, and therefore my heart is full. There's no better way to be.

Life

2011-08-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

I'm jumping in where I can. When I knew life was going to pick up once school started, I knew I was onto something. The words that have been on my mind are "deliberate" "gentle" "kindness" "respect". It is challenging to get up some mornings, I have four children who need/crave/want my attention. I am finding that losing the remote to the tv has been the biggest blessing-for now-I will replace it, but that is the least of my concerns. Sitting with my boys before dropping them off at school this morning, my strawberry shortcake girl playing with them, I see how blessed I am to have what I have. My biggest fear is missing out on these days-knowing how others are not as fortunate, for any number of reasons, hurts my heart. All I can do is pray-and for those close to home, offer a helping hand. Below are just a few snapshots from the first day to school.

Ducks in a row

2011-08-17T22:29:00.001-07:00

Summer. I blinked, and school started today. It will be an adjustment, three in school. Two in grade school, one in pre-Kindergarten preschool three days a week. I loved spending time with the younger two today, but as I told a friend, "When I went to get my boys-I was like "Bring on the noise!" Only having two home, my house was too quiet, and too clean. Not trying to rush the year, but still, I missed my full house today." Yes, I sent my children to preschool, yes I send them to school, but yes, I love the noise. Call that strange, but I'm used to a full house. I hope that I can resume posting here, and get on track with other aspects of motherhood. I'm all for relaxation, barefoot summertime fun. I love it-and at the same time, I love having things to do and places to go (but really, wasn't that our pace this summer too?)

There's work stuff to get squared away, but motherhood does come first. It did, it has, it will. It's the season, time in my life where I can be a mom. Selfish or not, its my time. So I'll do what needs to get done, and get my ducks in row.

Memory banks

2011-08-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

I had big plans for tonight. Night before school, special meal, special dessert. Then I heard this song, and realized, in the end it doesn't matter. Who does what, with whom, to whom, doesn't matter. I'm blessed I get to see my boys off to school tomorrow, one more memory for our memory banks. Looking forward to the rest of tonight, and what tomorrow brings.

Here and now

2011-08-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

This song has been in my head lately-I'm working to let go, and be. Its not always an easy thing to do-when your mind races about the long to-do list, and you wonder how everything will get managed. Robert has been talking frequently about returning to the prison-it would mean more pay, but a different schedule. One I'm not completely fond of. I'm not sure where we'll end up-we've seen how money doesn't buy happiness, it does make some things easier, but its not the solution to everything.

Family time is keeping me busy. Chalk play outside. Riding bicycles and a tricycle. Mohawk hair cuts. Visits with friends. Taco truck dinners. I'm soaking up the last days of summer vacation. We had rootbeer floats this weekend, watched the Carebear movie on Netflix. Playing barefoot outside, picnic dinner in the shade. Park days and water play, tans and smoothies. This is what summer has been, wonder what fall will be like.

Partners in parenting

2011-08-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style.

Last night as Robert came home late from work, I was thankful that he was home. Not because he as safe and in one piece (although that did come second), but because I was tired. I was tired, Rebecca was tired, and I wanted someone home to share the load. Very few days are like that-maybe my patience is changing as my children are getting older but I'm used to having a level of exhaustion from having children. The boys were still up at the summertime hour of 9:30 p.m.-yet, I know with school approaching next week, early rising and early bedtime will come into play.

Yet this is where the plank comes out-I like being on my own too w/ the kids. How selfish does that sound? When its just the five of us, I get to decide what to do for the day, what we're eating, where we'll end up. No one looks twice (although the kids may pipe up) if the house gets gnarly looking-yet I somehow manage to pull it back together before Robert comes home. Yesterday was a prime example. The boys decided to make a fort-turned their room upside down with all the blankets spilling out into the living room-couch cushions too, it was a lovely fort-kept them entertained while I went back and forth between housework, reading a magazine, tending to the baby. I played too with them. It was fun. There was no one to tell us it had to get picked up-so we could get out, or do something, or because someone was coming home-except for me. Eventually it got done, but it was on my time (which has its own pros and cons).

I decided what we were going to have for lunch-and then surprised the boys with a trip to Sonic for happy hour slushies. We went to the grocery store-always a fun feat with four young children-filled with sideway glances from strangers who probably wonder why anyone would want to go to the store with four children. I do it because if I don't go alone-I'll have to wait until Robert gets home, and that's not always feasible-or desirable. Dinner was easy-because it was something that I chose-pancakes-and the boys were overjoyed. No requests for meat and potatoes, veggies, something hearty.

The cost of the day was minimal-yet I totally get that because my husband does the work he does, and there's money left over after bills, that we can do treats like this, and I can stay with my children. I love him for when he comes home, his pile of cover shirts, the familiar clunk of his law enforcement tools. It wouldn't be the same if I didn't see his size 13 shoes by the front door, his lunch cooler on the counter. I see the indent on the pillow where he slept-where I know he was the night before, and pray he'll do again tonight.

I may say I like being on my own with my children-but having a partner, one who is as involved as he can be-I wouldn't change that for the world.

So what are your planks? If you're feeling really inspired, write your own post and link up below! I promise not to point and laugh at your plank, just offer support and encouragement. (Don't forget to put the name of your post in the "name" box)

A busy life

2011-08-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

A busy life isn't always going from event to event, or planning the next big shopping trip. For me being busy is about tending to the day to day lives of my family, my children, and doing what needs to get done so that when life picks up at warp speed-I'm not completely frazzled. This blog has been neglected-but not for lack of wanting to post. It just is what it is-life with kids and a husband, along with friends and family does that. I've connected with Twitter-to hopefully connect the bits and pieces I want to journal-and have them saved so I can refer back to them later. If I do-great-if not-well, chances are I've either talked about them with the people that matter in my life, or something else caught my interest.

This week was a mellow buzz of activity. We had summer camp and playtime with friends. I had my friend Katie come over with her boys, and we celebrated her birthday with pizza and Little Rascals on Netflix. We spent the day in Santa Cruz with my brother-both at Natural Bridges State Park and the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. We had our old babysitter visit for the afternoon, swimming and spending time with the children. I went through Rebecca's next set of baby clothes, and set aside items to give to moms expecting little ones soon. I had my Tuesday night get together with Heather, and made a new friend w/ someone she met-and her five month old daughter too. It will be nice to have someone that has a little one Rebecca's age to relate to when it comes to the baby stuff-and I love making new friends too. I cleaned house, made pie, and cooked. I cleaned, let go, and moved on. Life is busy, but very good.

I did a couple of shopping trips-one netting me $52 worth of peanut butter, pasta sauce, razor, and chocolate for $1.90 out of pocket, and a trip to Save Mart which netted me 12 free boxes of cereal and 3 lbs of fruit (between coupons, sale, and gas card promotion). I am happy with the results, and the little effort it took to pull the inserts for the trip.

There are scores of pictures I have taken over the weeks-ones I will save to the external hard drive and prep for the photo books. I should post some-I really should. If you don't see them here, check FB-its always easy to post and check there.

That's life in a nutshell for this past week, hope yours was just as awesome :)

She's human too

2011-08-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

I love FB-no, I like FB. No, I can't stand FB. And so the roller coaster goes. As many people know people play out their lives on FB-some seems more glamorous than others, some more down to earth. Some are Debbie Downers (but then really need the support too). Some just seem too.good.to.be.true.

I personally like it for sharing tidbits-things that are happening, questions I may have, and for having that connection-because that's just who I am. I saw a couple of posts last night-ones that made me go "Hmmmm" You never know the whole story, what people go through, what may have taken place for them to be where they're at-life happens. FB doesn't capture it-it provides a glimpse-but its subjective-what one puts out is what others see.

In any case, they're normal. Kids aren't perfect. House is a disaster. Life is beautiful, messy, chaotic. We're building memories, living life, being spontaneous.

And yes, I can still be spontaneous with 4 kids-just the level of which has been altered-but that's thanks to Dave Ramsey. We have made choices, responsible, challenging, out of our comfort zone. I'm not lacking, its all about perception-I'm human too.

Baby

2011-08-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a mellow day at home. We opened the windows and played outside before it was miserable outside. I roasted a chickcn in the morning hours for dinner-much easier on all of us to cook while its cool, and eat something chilled when its gross outside. The sweet potato homefries were a hit-we used up the three large potatoes we bought, and Robert brought the remainder for lunch today. The chicken was moist-and the kids gobbled it up. Rebecca liked it too.

I'm going back and forth about the fall. The school year is almost here-will be here mid-month. I've enjoyed my boys immensely-this time, this age, is altogether fleeting. Yet the days when I work from home (the nights I work too) and the kids were at summer camp were great too. I don't have all the answers-I won't pretend to. I will figure out what works for us-maybe by muddling through it and seeing where we end up. I want my kids to enjoy and have opportunities-and I want to raise them too. I was talking with the preschool teacher today, and talked about how Elijah is going to the preschool room, and then transitional kindergarten the following fall. The major upside is that transitional kindergarten is free-yet it means two years of kindergarten (at least seen by Kingsburg schools). I feel ambivalent-if only because I love the preschool where he's going now-and can't think of him not going there.

Wait.....I understand. Its because in one year, Rebecca will be just past a year and a half old, and then in two years when Elijah goes to transitional kindergarten, she'll be two and a half. I've been so immersed in diaper changes and soaking up her babyhood-it is odd to think of her as anything but a baby. Then again, last summer I couldn't quite see myself w/ a baby daughter, even though I was nearly six months pregnant. I'm wide awake-not blinking, soaking up this crazy journey of parenthood.

So this is how we can

2011-07-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Heather husband's family owns a tomato farm in Kingsburg. They sell their crop at the various farmers markets up and down the state. This particular week there was a glitch-and 25 flats went unsold. We decided it would be fun to can-not knowing how to can tomatoes.

We finally figured out what we were doing-half way into the first day of canning. It was a messy, sometimes sticky job, but it was fun trying to figure out something new.

We heated water, boiled the tomatoes, and the peels came right off.

Rebecca had her first taste of whipped cream-a Starbucks mini break fueled us :)

Lots of tomatoes that had been boiled, and are ready to get peeled.

Girl talk kept us sane.

Another batch of tomatoes goes in the pot.

Rebecca sucked on the tomato peels while we were at work. Gross-but she was a happy camper.

Canning approximately 16 flats of tomatoes (the rest were either spoiled beyond use, or given to others who wanted to can them) took the three of us two days to complete. Children were underfoot-and not necessarily in the way, but were around while it took place. Maybe it wouldn't have taken as long without them-but the kids helped, they played, it was a summertime activity to do together. My share, once we were finished, was two large containers of tomato juice, ready to can, and 12 quart sized jars of tomato sauce. Triple that, and that's how much we made. It was a lot of fun, but I think we're all done with tomatoes for awhile.

Last Monday we went back to Heather's home and canned peaches. This time we had six women, and five flats of peaches. The whole process went incredibly fast-it took us four hours to jar 39 quarts and 24 pints of spiced peaches. My take home from that venture was another 10 jars of peaches.

I'm already running low on jars-we've used a few containers of jam-but they have been reused somewhere else-more fruit, more jam, more sauce. I have a flat of cherry tomatoes I'm in the process of freezing for use this winter-not sure if I'll can them/make salsa/use them whole in recipes, but at least freezing them keeps them from being unusable.

A friend posted a picture of freezer jam she made, and referred to being like Martha (Stewart). I had to reply: Jennifer Goldberg Allen ‎♥ it! I have never felt more like Martha than this summer, its an awesome feeling :)

It really is incredible. If someone had told me years ago I would be canning, I would have called them crazy. Now, I'm doing it, and loving it :)

Christmas in July

2011-07-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

My friend Heather and I were doing a happy dance as we skipped, yes, skipped out of Target because-our holiday shopping for our kids is done. Yes, done. I am loving every minute of summer, and not rushing through it-but the opportunity came to go into Target during their 75% off toy clearance-and I found some amazing bargains. I found three family board games, a knex set for the boys to share, two card games for when we're out and about, a power ball, and a memory game to give as a donation/gift. Before gift cards which I obtained from the sunscreen deal a couple of months back, the cost would have been $28. I spent $13 out of pocket. Full retail of the items: $107. See why I did a happy dance?

Earlier in the week, we also took advantage of the Pier One $10 off of $10 coupon. I walked away with these items for gifts too.
(free after $10 coupon)
($2.95 after $10 coupon)
($0.50 after $10 coupon)

We're well on our way to having a frugal and fun holiday season-and not getting sucked into buying stuff last minute, and at outrageous prices. I know not everyone likes shopping ahead, has the time, the storage, different rationale for waiting to shop. For me, shopping ahead helps me stretch our family dollars.

Mom moments

2011-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Heather and I took the kids for a car ride yesterday, to break up the day, and the quote of the day-''Taste my armpit.'' Was that really my kid? Yes-yes it was. That and a smelly foot contest kept them entertained. Boys are gross.

I brought over two diaper cases full of clothes to Miss K for her baby boy. I had quite a bit saved, not knowing if Rebecca was going to be a girl or boy. It was great giving it to her, glad someone else will get use from them.

I also gave a wipes case full of baby girl clothes to our neighbor for her baby grand daughter who's arriving in September. She was overjoyed- this is her first grandchild and can't wait to see the new little one.

I have been looking at reusable bags/containers on Etsy for our family, and finally decided what to get. While I love the soft snack/sandwich bags, its not practical for our family at this stage in our lives. I will go through the hard cases we already own, and replenish those. We'll use the totes we have for lunch sacks-since they can hold the Sigg-style water bottles.

A summer day is upon us, I wonder what adventures await. I think a picnic and bike ride are on the agenda for the morning. We shall see where the day takes us.

Summer continued....

2011-07-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

Summertime is cruising by, faster than I thought it would. The kids and I have been going full steam most the time-but have had our share of laid back days too. Lately we've been getting in the groove of canning-first blueberries, then tomato sauce, and yesterday we canned peaches. Its always more fun with friends, and the kids have grown accustomed to traveling back and forth between our friends homes. I wish there was a pause button somewhere-its been so much fun, and doing activities that are so simple. We've been blessed with so much-and I'm learning everyday the value of friendship and teamwork.

It hit me yesterday-I could actually verbalize that I was happy with my life-and that I've worked really hard to get where I'm at-and where my family is at. Parenthood and life is far from perfect-but my friend Heather tells me-nothing ever is-and anyone that says otherwise is just lying to themselves. There's always a sense of imbalance-or seesawing-that takes place-right now-its just the matter of the ebb and flow, the current, the amount of upheaval- it makes the difference between rolling with the punches and soaking up the journey, and getting caught in a storm. Nine out of ten times I would think everything is great-but to be able to say it aloud (and that's normally not my style) is huge. There are the down times-but its how I face them that I want to remember-they give me perspective, gain wisdom, provide teachable moments.

I want the kids to hear me say I'm proud of them-of us-not just think I am. I want to laugh-not just giggle-but full on laugh-and that's happened a lot this summer. I'd like to think my kids have something to do with that. The event that happened last was Elijah got ahold of a marker, and drew all over himself-he thought that was hilarious. I did too. It was quite funny, especially when he drew in a mustache and beard.

Life is beautiful and messy, chaotic and busy. We have our moments/hours/days of slow time, but this season of our life is busy-and spending time together, is so very nice.

Inspiration-you never know when its going to hit

2011-07-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

Today was a long day. A long, tiring, exhausting day. At the same time, it was so much fun. And truthfully (and with only a little apprehension) I'm doing it again tomorrow. My friend Heather and I, along with her friend Diane are canning tomatoes-about 25 flats of them. Yes, 25. I have a picture of them:

I left my camera at Heather's home with my pictures of us starting out, but here's a picture of some of the at least 12 jars of tomato sauce we made with just 5 of the flats:

Between the three of us there are seven kids underfoot-four of which are mine, who also happen to be the youngest too. Makes for some interesting moments (Elijah falling asleep sitting up) and me taking breaks to nurse and diaper change Rebecca. I wouldn't change a thing-its fun, frugal, and tasty too. Hoping that some of the batches we make tomorrow include salsa, and perhaps chutney if we're bold.

My friend Andrea gave me a flat of peaches today-and I gave her blueberry-nectarine jam, peach jam, and spiced nectarines as a thank you/thinking of you gesture for being her earlier this week. I'm excited to make a Peach and Blackberry (subbing blueberries) muddle. Who needs to go out when you can make this at home?

And if I need more inspiration after we go peach picking next week, I found 25 things to make with peaches, and more peach recipes here, and this recipe for brandied peaches, and another recipe for brandied peaches.

I am loving the bounty of the season, the fresh fruit, vegetables, I love this time of year. The heat is not bothering us-the attic fan has run daily, saving us our fair share of dollars. We're loading up on veggies every night, salad, veggie burritos, breakfast scrambles with vegetables. Its delicious! I can't wait to see what else I can/bake/produce this year. Its exciting to learn a new skill, and then share it with my family.

I have a set of friends who are crafty-and those who post their ideas online. I fell in love with this idea for picture frames thanks to someone posting it. Storage is at a premium in a house of six people, so I love this idea for Pottery Barn Knockoff.

Life is amazing-I get inspiration, just when I need it. Faith, love, they are powerful.

Thoughts while drinking coffee

2011-07-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

Gabriel has a tan-reminds me of the Coppertone Baby-he's been in the pool a lot this summer.

Matthew is an awesome helper (when the mood strikes-and we're working on that). Yesterday I needed help getting the bike trailer out for our ride, and he helped me-made for a nicer ride.

Elijah-fishy kisses. I don't know how this got started, but it cracks me up.
Rebecca-went bonkers when she saw my sauteed spinach and tomatoes last night, and didn't settle down until she had some.

Robert-Love is dealing with a broken washer for three days in a row, each day figuring out something else is wrong thanks to youtube and google. Figuring out what it was, going underneath/inside the machine's body to use duct tape to hold the tiny clasp together just long enough so we can get to Fresno to purchase the replacement part. It did save us $50+ figuring it out ourselves.

Heather-how many friends would you let see your unmentionables? Seriously, she brought 3 loads of laundry to her home, and not only washed them, but dried them too. Love my friend, and what she adds to my life.

There are people I don't write about-people that remain a mystery to me, even today. I don't understand why things are the way they are-maybe that's the point. Maybe I just need to go with the flow once again-usually I'm good with that. Its been a struggle the past week-I wonder if my hormones are trying to get re-balanced now that Rebecca is eating more food/less nursing. I'm not burned out-yet trying to soak everything up to the point that I wonder if I just need to press stop. pause. go again. or reboot.

Yesterday going on a bike ride was the highlight-that and making spinach and tomatoes from Heather's husband's farm, and all the kids devoured it-I was floored. I thought for sure they'd make a face-how many kids do you know willingly eat spinach? No bribery here either-the bike ride was before dinner-so maybe that made them hungrier?

The weather has been beautiful here-making it easy to stay local. Robert made my day getting a bike trailer so I can go around town with all the kids on their bikes. Oh, and I have a bike now too. Both are second hand-but new to me-and that's just fine. Its been about 8 years since I stepped on a bike-and it was a cinch getting back on it. The most challenging part is getting the two younger ones situated-but with practice that will get easier. We went exploring the other day-and have made many bike rides to Heather's home so the kids could play and the adults could chill. I have seen some homes that stir up a drive for me to be creative-and others that seem like they are just.too.much (ticky tacky houses anyone?)

Another summer day here. Kids. Pool. Summer camp.

Cooking with kids

2011-07-14T12:58:00.001-07:00

One of the memories I hold dear to me is the smell of spaghetti sauce, meatloaf, brownies, and dump cake coming from my mom's kitchen. She was a stay at home mom whose pride was in her children, and her cooking a close second. I don't remember how it was with us being at home-I remember doing some cooking-but I remember too-being asked to stay out of the kitchen. With four kids underfoot of my own now, I can relate to that. I do it too. I don't mean to do it-I like having the kids learn-the science, the math, seeing how everything melds together. I think too that's part of why my kids are good, adventurous eaters- because they see how meals are made, and help make them.

Yet, I struggle with it. Every.day. Some days are better than others-some creations hold their appeal more. Making cookies and brownies, the kids are sure to want to help. Meats, sauces, vegetables-sometimes. Soups and stews, um, yeah, not happening. Making the food is the fun part for the kids and myself. The prep and cleanup-definitely tied for being the hardest. I'm aware of my struggle-I want to foster a love of cooking with my children-I want them to be able to share it with friends and family as they get older. I want them to see how we can take whole, unprocessed ingredients and make a flavorful, healthy meal. Yet I struggle.

I feel like I'm muddling my way through-maybe this is what personal growth is about. I'm working to let go of my desire to be Rachel Ray, Julia Child, etc. I'm no Next Food Network Star.

My kitchen leaves a lot to be desired today. Yet my boys made egg salad for lunch, and pumpkin muffins for snack/breakfast tomorrow. There was a lot of mess, a few tears when a tray of filled crackers were upended. Yet they had fun. There was laughter, smiles, and good food eaten with family.

These are the memories I want to make.

So, here’s the part where you make me feel better by sharing your planks, also. And if you're feeling really inspired, write your own post and link up below! (Don't forget to type the name of your post in the "name" box)

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Happy Sunday

2011-07-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

You know you're a die hard couponer when you get the itch to go to the store the night before when the deals for the next day are already posted. Sigh....it was a rough night (ha-we spent it at the concert and fair, so definitely not rough!) but this morning I went out with Rebecca and went down to CVS. I'm just going to post what I shared on Penny Pinchin Mom since I'm so darned proud of myself (and for getting the hang of rolling the deals!) For the skeptics who say-do you really need this, or that, or why bother buying something if you don't need it-because I donate it-and groups appreciate donations, especially when certain items are hard to come by, or are otherwise expensive for those who are already strapped. I already had ECBs (extra money) from last week, so reapplied them and kept my out of pocket expense down. As far as wondering what my total OOP expense is every month-it goes along w/ our food/grocery budget, so when that money is gone, its gone. The key is I'm getting more for our doller, per dollar that I spend, than the average consumer. I'm no extreme couponer, just someone who has fun saving money and blessing others.

In other news, more important news, I finally uploaded a ton of pictures from the past month-peach picking, zoo, hanging out with family and friends, day trips, our 4th of July celebration, our Cow Appreciation day costumes, and so much more! I will post those later this week-when I get to it. Our children keep me busy and I'm blessed to live this life. It may be crazy sometimes, but I am so grateful to have what is important to me.

For those curious about the deal at CVS, here it is :)

I have a better scenario, if you have ECB’s already.

First transaction

4 lumene eye make up remover @5.98 each (use 4 $4 coupons)

3 John freida full repair item @ 7.79 (use 3 $5 coupons)

starburst candy (used CVS $2 off skittles/starburst bag of candy coupon)

use $4 off $20 ECB that comes this week when you swipe your card (before buying).

pay 4.36 out of pocket included tax, received $15 in ECB

Transaction #2

Balance bar 1.69

Multipurpose solution 7.99

one lollipop .50 (used because of not meeting $10 threshold prior to tax)

use $10 ECB from transaction #1, and pay .82 out of pocket.

I then received the 1.69 and $7.99 EBC for the balance bar and solution.

Grand total 5.18 oop, and $14.68 in ECBs for next week

Making memories

2011-07-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

Today is a mellow vacation day-we've been on the go almost every day, keeping busy seeing friends, making new ones. Adventures are plentiful, and they haven't cost a ton of money-and they've been memorable. I wonder years from now what will stick out in my kids memories, what they will remember doing with me, with Robert, and their siblings. Its a juggling act-finding the right balance of planned, not planned, things with me, things with Robert, and of course now, things without either parent. I have the boys participating in summer camp twice a week-more or less to switch things up and give them time with peers (and allow me to regain my sanity).

I was talking with a friend this morning about the cost, and how I nickel and dime everything just so we can afford day camp and not freak out about everything else. She reminded me-you need your sanity. While my husband is wonderful about giving me time-I need more-to be the best mom I can be-not to mention remember that being a mom is just one facet of myself. That may sound hokey-but for me-I need that. So we nickel and dime, and the kids have camp, and I have relative peace (yes w/ Miss Rebecca, but she's still at that mellow baby age/stage) Let me also add that while I nickel and dime, I follow Dave Ramsey, so bills get paid, savings are added to, and life marches on. We're not broke, we're not poor, we're frugal. My kids go to summer camp. I have my sanity restored/replenished/rejuvenated. That's a great balance for me.

F is for family

2011-07-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

Its been a rush-a fun rush-going places with the boys and baby girl this weekend. There are no dull moments-laughter, giggles, a few tears now and then. We loaded up everyone for a bike ride yesterday and ended up helping a friend with a project. The kids had fun-and Robert and I had fun too.This is what its about. I'm so happy, its contagious. The kids feed off of it, Robert feeds off of it. My heart is full ♥ Today is another day, another day with few plans....wonder where we'll end up.

June- First four weeks of summer

2011-07-01T10:45:00.001-07:00

Where did the month go? It feels like summer just started, but we're already a month into it. The boys had swim lessons and vacation bible school-both got us out of the house bright and early. That was the key to us getting the most out of our day. We had playdates, swim time, and lots of free activities. The kids had fun, and I did too. There's never been a dull (and rarely a quiet) moment in this house-and that's a lot of fun. We had arts and crafts, cooking, game time, we did it all. The boys had summer camp, and we met with our playgroups too.

MOMS Club and Moms Time Out are on summer hiatus-but we're still having fun with our friends. I'm excited about the board for next year-and look forward to spending time with all our friends when we go out around town. We've run into friends all over-from the playground, water park, and summer reading programs. I think seeing our friends (and me connecting with other moms) has definitely added to this being a memorable summer. I have taken time for myself too-Robert has been spending time on his own with all four kids and making memories with them. Moms Night Outs and hanging out w/ neigbors post kid bedtime-I'm loving it! am soaking it all up-it won't be long before school and sports are upon us. We have found our groove with a summer routine-and having fun along the way. I defintely feel like we're making memories that will last a lifetime-and aren't breaking the bank doing it.

We have fun adventures ahead-just waiting for the heat to kick in so we can take advantage of them. Going to the coast, the aquarium, even a couple of theme parks. I also want to hit the mountain areas too. The list is long-but it doesn't feel overwhelming. We're enjoying our activities as they come, and not getting frazzled if we have a change of plans. We'll travel as a family-as well as with friends. I'm looking forward to all of it- I ♥ summer!

Frustration

2011-06-28T00:09:00.001-07:00

Its not them, its me. Sigh......

I had to post tonight:

can someone explain to me the appeal in disassembling a toy-literally, one with tiny screws and somehow rendering the toy inoperable because the pieces to it are spread everywhere? not sure whether to be amused and consider buying an erector set, or be frustrated/angry at the specifics (not to mention that I just bought replacement parts for it so we could have more fun with the toy). sigh....

Matthew disassembled a toy-one I had just bought replacement parts for, ones that took me awhile to find, then order, then wait for the order. I was patiently waiting for a day we could take it to the park and play with it. It was a rocket shooter thing, something I don't understand, but the boys have been fond of. I was so excited. And then I saw him crouched down near his closet, unscrewing tiny screws with a kitchen knife, and I startled him-actually, I was startled too, since I entered intending to do my nightly check in and did not expect a shadowy figure by the corner of the room. I was fit to be tied-I tried asking him what he was doing, but I could sense I was freaking out-yes, over a toy. I had to walk out before I snapped, yes, over a toy. But I walked out because letting loose was not something I wanted to do, and once Robert came out (he had entered the room to see what the commotion was about) I went back in. I crawled into bed with my son, and tried to understand his train of thought. I tried to tell him how I was more worried about him bleeding or getting cut with a knife than anything (which I was too), but most of all, I tried to tell him that I didn't know if I was going to be able to fix his toy *which had been hidden in my closet, which was another point that had me riled up. Sigh....I love my children, I really really do. But after this-not to mention any toy that had had a back is now missing its back (which has happened over the past week), I'm torn. Do I put away toys that have screws, or invest in this?

Thoughts

2011-06-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

Elijah's burn is healing. The worst looks like its behind us (and I'm not even thinking about medical bills here). We go back on Friday to the burn unit for a third time, hoping it heals more and the skin comes in smooth. Time will tell.

Caribbean chicken salad sounds delicious for dinner this week. We just need a mango, and considering we're low on fruit already this week, we'll add that to our list.

Summer reading program is this afternoon. Kids are going to bring their summer reading logs and get a prize. I'm also taking one of their friends with us-but its a surprise. ♥ it!

Looking for school/life supplies is happening. Always one to stretch our dollars/and conserve resources, I'm finding inspiration and love for reusable sandwich wraps. I found an awesome site http://www.reuseit.com/ that has been given good feedback, as well as http://baggubag.com/#Shop; I love http://www.etsy.com/, and I'm thinking we'll do a mix of all three sites to buy what we need for our family. I know when its all said and done, it will pay off-I hate waste, and its an easy way of being frugal too.

Our coffeemaker bit the dust last week. I asked for feedback from everyone I knew for recommendations. Their suggestion: Keurig and Bunn. While I love the idea of a one cup machine, both Robert and I drink at least two cups each in the morning, and then maybe a cup in the afternoon when its cooler weather. I love iced coffee too. So between our frequent coffee consumption, and the combination of unfriendly environment k-cups, and the cost of the machine, and the negative feedback on how long the machines last, it was a no-go. Although there were lower end Bunn coffee makers, it was more than I wanted to spend (and the glass carafe was not appealing, as we've broken several in the past). This is what I ended up with: Faberware Percolator. I grew up with my parents owning the stove top version, but with the kids and our lifestyle, I thought this was a good compromise. I will be on the hunt for a stove top one at a thrift store-if I come across one, then great; if not, electric one will be used. Oh, and it was free too. I used survey points to convert into an amazon gift card. Score! It would have had to wait until Friday (payday) only since I didn't want to use the rest of our wiggle room money on a coffee maker since the end of the month is so close, so this made me extremely happy.

I have a lot of pictures from the past week and weekend. Right now, I'm feeling lazy and don't want to connect the camera, the whole nine yards of connecting pictures to the blog. I'll probably do it tonight.

Recipe corner

2011-06-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

I am what you call a novice foodie; I love more than just basic meat and potatos, but not quite comfortable dishing out gourmet meals. My meals tend to be a cross between Paula Dean, Rachel Ray, and Sandra Lee. The magazines that inspire me are Whole Living and Everyday Food. For international cuisine, I gravitate towards the internet, and learn as I go along. Sometimes canned, sometimes bagged; but leaning more and more towards whole food cooking. I may be a great couponer, but as I've learned, coupons do come out for fresh meat, produce, dairy, and other items. You just have to be savvy about shopping the sales.

I'm going to add recipes to my blog. Things I come across, things I've tried. I hope to get inspiration on those nights where I look in the fridge and say "Yeah, dinner out would be nice, but we have a ton of food here, but I don't know what to make." Enjoy!

What I made for the baby shower this morning and for the girls night in tonight:
Fruit Pizza

What would make a great dinner for us this weekend: Summer Squash and Zucchini Bites

Love

2011-06-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Gabriel sat with Rebecca this morning and played pat a cake with her. My fiercely independant, fun loving, loud five year old was sweet, gentle, and mellow with his seven month old baby sister. The look on both their faces-priceless. Contentment, joy, love for each other. Hard to believe a couple of years ago I was on the fence about adding to our family, and here we are with our four children ♥ We are so blessed ♥

Tuesday-burn unit

2011-06-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning Elijah woke up, and his right eye appeared swollen shut. I made the call to drop off the older boys at Vacation Bible School, and call the ped for an appointment. We literally flew to an appointment a half hour later, and were given more ointment and eye drops. The pediatrician was able to look in Elijah's eye, and determined it was fine. She was, however, concerned about the burn itself. She was worried about scarring, since the blisters had come off so quickly after the burn. I was told that a referral would be made, and while I was on my way home to pick up the boys from VBS, I received a call to be at the local hospital's burn unit in 90 minutes. I dropped the older boys off at summer camp, and then picked up Robert who went with me to the hospital. We were seen quickly, and the staff were phenomenal. I had never expected this to happen, but they put us at ease, and Elijah was really brave. We received more ointment, and instruction on how to care for his face. We also have a follow up appointment on Friday to see how his new skin is developing. We were at the hospital for an hour, and I was so glad to leave when we were done. Passing by the waiting room on that floor; all my problems felt so minute, and I was so relieved to have my little boy with me going home.

There haven't been blame games here. Robert and I both know its an accident; even Elijah said it was an accident. I hate that it happened, and both me and Robert would gladly take Elijah's place so he wouldn't be in pain. Elijah slept in our bed again, this time more comfortable and not in so much pain. He was clingy, but that's to be expected. Healing takes time, and we'll do what we need to do to help him.

Monday-Burn

2011-06-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

Monday was a nice, relaxing day. It started out with Vacation Bible School, and the younger two kids and me hanging out in Reedley. It was fun-and the older boys enjoyed themselves. We came home for lunch, and I started to prep the second flat of nectarines for canning. It was going well, I finished all the prep, made the jam, and started to heat the water on the stove. I had all the kids occupied/Rebecca was in her high chair w/ cheerios, and the older three were playing in the playroom. I told the boys to stay out of the kitchen, since I was at the stove. They all understood-they see me there day after day, prepping, cooking, cleaning. I thought it was okay.

Right as I'm getting ready to place the second filled jar of jam into the hot water bath, E comes near me. I told him to back up, since I didn't want the hot water to splash up on him. No sooner do I say those words, a few drops come out of the pan and hit him in the face. He looked at me stunned, and then all hell broke loose.

I immediately applied an ice pack/cold water to his face. When that didn't soothe him, I had the kids get dressed, Matthew buckled Rebecca in her car seat, and we left to go to Urgent Care. I called Robert from the road, and told him I would call him as soon as I knew more. That was the fastest trip to Urgent care-both in getting there and getting seen. The end result: Elijah had second degree burns on his right side of his face, and nearly missed his eye. His eye appeared okay, yet Elijah would not let us near it. The dr. recommended we let him go overnight, and take him to the ped or emergency room if we were concerned with his eye-from the outside, there was no visible burn or injury to it. I made the call to wait-Elijah had calmed down once ointment was applied, and tylenol was given. We made it home, the kids went to bed, and Elijah slept with us. It was a long night-I don't think any of us slept for more than a half hour at a time, but at least we were home.

Burned

2011-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Its been a whirlwind 30+ hours. I need to focus on taking care of E and his burn, and making sure he's comfortable. I hope to post an update today during quiet time.

Thoughts for today

2011-06-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

I love making cards. Father's day cards rocked this year :)

Swimming pools are fun to have in the backyard; getting pool equipment stolen, not so much.

Trips to the donut store are fun; both for the kids who get to choose, Dad who gets to splurge, and Mom who gets one chosen for her.

Seeing baby's first tooth is just as sweet the fourth time around.

Weekends with family together, morning coffee, bbqs, chips and gauc, making memories

The attic fan rocks. We haven't used our a/c at all. Combined with the pool use, this summer is going to be nice and cool.

Family time is the best-kisses, hugs, planning trips. Just being together. That's wha its about :)

Camping

2011-06-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

The kids and I camped in the living room yesterday. Amid the giggles, and carrying on, somehow we all fell asleep. Well before dishes, laundry, and housework was done. It was fun hearing Rebecca giggle at her brothers, her brothers talking about swimming that day, and something about dinosaurs and who wanted to do what this morning. Its amazing that we woke up this morning in good spirits, and not cranky. I woke up around midnight and cleared the kitchen-took a half hour and it looked decent. Big plans today. Swim lessons, playtime at a water feature park, more canning & baking, popsicle and smoothie making. ♥ summertime

Canning

2011-06-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

I'm posting what we did after we went berry picking, but because we're going back today to pick more berries, I may just post the ones from that trip, instead of last week. This weekend, I canned. and canned. and canned some more. It was fun-and delicious! I think I need to go and buy more jars-because 4 cases are not enough when I've already used 1 1/2 just for blueberry and blueberry nectarine jam. The recipe was easy. Fresh fruit and sugar. How delicious is that-its amazing! I cannot wait to see what other creations I can come up with.

kindred spirits-a lesson learned

2011-06-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

I sat down to write about one thing, but fate is leading me to write about another. My friend Jennifer wrote this blog post Reconnecting and it hit home. We can get so caught up in our own stuff, life falls through the cracks. Whether its clothes that pile up, the floor that needs to be steam mopped, or the another load of laundry needs to get run-it happens. This week life happened. The house sat and we played. A lot. We went out everyday, had swim lessons, summer camp, errands for groceries and canning supplies. We had lunch out (oh my, I cracked open my wallet! ;) ) and we had easy dinners at home. Life happened.

We were late for swim lessons one day-and I had an epiphany while we were getting ready to head out. When you yell and out-you get nowhere-fast. I have grown accustomed to juggling four little bodies, but what I have yet to get accustomed to is having three of those four help out as much as we need to-as much as I'd like, if I want to remain sane years from now. I asked, cajoled, threatened (which of course did not work, and I apologized after the fact). Finally, I said we're going in x number of minutes, I've told you what we needed, you had time to get your stuff, and we're going. The kids said they had their stuff, so we went to swim lessons. 40 minutes later, the kids are back at the car, and we're looking for towels. No one had brought them. I said well, we know for next time, right? They were glum for a few minutes (and I felt bad, but I felt like I did the best I could getting everyone together for at least 3/4 their swim time). Thankfully it was a warm morning, and once the boys were in warm clothes, they were in better moods. The next day was smoother of sorts, the stuff that had been forgotten was not forgotten again. It still wasn't "perfect", but life never is truly "perfect".

I cannot be everywhere at once, and just need to stay in the moment. So I did the best I could, I took care of the baby, helped Elijah get dressed, the big kids learned a lesson, and I didn't rub it in their faces. I am always telling the kids, I'm doing the best I can, if we're partners we'll get further, and go more places. It just takes time, and at the end of the day, I want my kids to remember the stuff that counts. Like me taking them for swim lessons, and not me yelling over forgotten towels.

Summer fun

2011-06-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

I love hearing this song on the radio, catchy tempo, love the end line-don't know where you're going-you might end up somewhere else. Sounds like how we're planning to be this summer.

Summertime is here, and we're having fun. Blueberry picking was on Monday, today is cherry picking. This afternoon is canning, and perhaps a pie or two.

The week is flying by-we have been keeping busy-or maybe it just seems that way. Party planning is underway for an event I'm hosting-my friend who is super creative gave me some ideas on where to look for favors/games. Excited to see how it turns out :)

Another fun filled day ahead-swimming, library, pie making. Its summertime!

Dave Ramsey would be proud

2011-06-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

Then again, I already am. Yesterday we had our whole house attic fan and new attic/roof fan installed, and today both passed the city's inspection. I am thrilled beyond belief -it is the first home improvement project we have paid for in cash. No credit, no payments, nothing. Fully paid for in CASH. That is a wonderful feeling. $742 is now spent-but considering our average a/c bill last summer was $350 (and we still paid $100 per month for gas), the outgoing cost will reduce our energy bill, and we don't have to sweat it out at home.

I did all the homework on this project, and kept Robert abreast of it before giving the final go ahead. I had people come out, I researched fans, I compared vendors. I did it all. I told Robert this morning that having led this project is a defining moment for me being a grown up-even more so because of how we planned it ahead of time, saved, and then spent our money on it. The kids have heard us plan, discuss, go over how it was going to work. They saw people come out, saw the installation take place, and saw me pay the contractor. I am thrilled-thrilled because this is something that will benefit us and we are not going to owe anyone anything for it. Seriously I cannot get over that feeling. I will not be haunted every
time I pass by the fan and wonder how long it will take for us to pay it off-because it already is.

For anyone who thinks I'm boasting too much-oh well. No one can rain on my parade-this is huge for us. Onward and upward to our next home improvement project. And yes, it will be paid for in cash.

Summer anthem

2011-06-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

♥ my boys and girl who make me feel on top of the world. We had an incredible weekend getaway, and a wonderful start to our summer vacation today. Batteries on the camera are dead again-but at least it means I'm taking pictures :P Any hesitation I may ever had about having a larger family disappears as the days go on, and doing stuff like this weekend and today with my whole crew just reminds me that just because we're saving money/local bound, life doesn't have to be boring. Let the music play, and be our soundtrack for the summer :)

Don't blink

2011-06-04T06:08:00.001-07:00

The days this week were long, but in retrospect, they passed by in a minute. We had end of the school year activities, homework (up until the last day of school) and a junior high graduation. I had a bunco event last night, and enjoyed the company of some of my friends. I set up the installation appointment for our whole house attic fan, swim lessons, planned out weekly activities for this month, and made plans for one of our trips this summer. Its been a whirlwind, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I loaded up on pictures this week-its striking to see just how big the kids look in comparison to the beginning of the school year. I'll post some up later this weekend. It feels like just yesterday I was pushing the two older boys in the double stroller, wondering how I was going to survive those incredibly hard days of having two children close in age. Yet, now, with both of them in school, one going into second, the other into first, grade next year, and two more little ones with me, it really does go by quickly. I thought about my friend K, whose son passed away two years ago; his 7th birthday was yesterday. It made me sad, and made me want to hug my boys more-knowing just how much has transpired in the past two years. I wouldn't trade my crew for anything-each of them are a piece of our family-and without them, life wouldn't be as sweet.

I'm excited about summer, and the weeks ahead. We have fun times ahead and memories to make. Travels and adventure await. I often say I'll sleep when I'm gone, and how true that is. I don't want to be a passenger in life, I want to be the driver. I can't wait to see where the next bend takes me.

May wrap up

2011-05-31T10:55:00.001-07:00

The days blur together and sometimes never seem to end, but then I'm reminded by moms with older kids telling me not to blink for the years go by in an instant. This past week/weekend was one of those never ending roller coasters, full of fun, tears, squeals of laughter, and the occasional fit.

Rebecca and I hung out at home a lot, I decluttered-reorganized-tried to wrap up some projects-and be mom. I've lapsed in picture taking-but have been brainstorming-and just busy-but I'll get back to it-I always do :)

This weekend, I took Matthew to a birthday party at a skating rink-and it was the first time he'd been there-and I wanted to skate-but since I brought Rebecca w/ me, I was sidelined. It worked out well-he had fun-and I'm learning to let him go more, and figure stuff out on his own. Robert took the two middle ones grocery shopping-and surprised me-he was so proud of sticking to the list-and staying within budget. Here's Matthew upright on his skates :)

We went to the movies as a family. The kids enjoyed it-they knew movies out are a treat, and I think Robert and I enjoyed ourselves too. I think I'll head to the $1 movies this summer with the kids, and they'll have fun.

Meals were at home-it got a bit hairy pre-grocery shop-but I think that was because we used up all our produce and fruit-two staples I love having on hand at home. I felt better once we got some of those items, and I could continue making smoothies (and daiquiris') at home. I also have gotten accustomed having lots of salad around-its easy to make, and the kids love it too. Who needs to go out when you have salad for dinner?

We also went to the cemetery for the Memorial Day service. It is our family tradition, and I really like how we've done it for the past seven years since we've lived here. Each year the kids understand it more, and I'm glad we're showing them how the day isn't just for bbqs and family time.

There was a lot of downtime last week, and this weekend, but its okay. We're still focused on saving money, and planning out what we want to spend it on for the summer. We're both in agreement that its wiser to stay at home before the heat cranks up, so when it does get hot, we're not short on time, money, and can pick up and go. I definitely feel weird sometimes, but I have gentle reminders that I'm on the right path, we're doing what needs to get done, and our family will be better for making sacrifices now.

With a busy week (last week of school) ahead, I'm going to work out our monthly budget, and factor in swim lessons/activities for the family/and our travel plans. I don't foresee any challenges, but its great to be prepared :)

I am

2011-05-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

I am an eternal optimist. Sometimes though, like anyone else, I need a nudge to remember just how good I have it. It never fails, something will happen, to remind me I'm where I need to be, at the time I need to be, right when I need extra encouragement. This week was one of those weeks.

Here are the positives-because the negatives are not worth mentioning.

-I love listening to Dave Ramsey's Debt Free Friday broadcasts. Even though I didn't get to hear the entire segment yesterday, what I did here, was awesome. My favorite quote: life is too short to drag along a boat anchor. Awesome!

-Struggling with staying gazelle intense-I ran into one of my FPU classmates! That's no coincidence. Hearing how they're going on vacation next week, and they're paying for it in cash (thanks to the class, they're no longer slave to their credit cards), it was inspiring. It provided the boost I needed (but didn't know I needed) to remind me its okay to stay at home-because we're not using funds we don't have to travel (and more importantly, we're saving the money we do have to escape when its blistering hot here, and we want to escape!)

-Knowing that my kids are out of school for the summer after Friday-loving it! I'm so excited about the doors and opportunities opening up for us-thanks to living frugally.

I am healthy and human. Exercise is great for the soul, and helps keep me going.

Couponing-someone paid me a compliment and told me how they want to learn from me since it seems like I've taken it to a whole new level. I didn't know how to take that at first-I'm no extreme couponer, I just follow the deals, clip, and save. I donate a lot too so its not like we have some massive stockpile like those people do. At the same time though I remember how intimidating it used to be to coupon, now I'm more at ease.

My baby girl-everyday she reminds me how quickly time goes by. I appreciate my boys and the wacky things they do-and my little girl-she makes me smile.

Life is a journey~I may not know or understand it sometimes, but I have to have faith its happening for a reason.

Bring on the summertime crafts!

2011-05-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

♥ Hobby Lobby. It is one of a few places, JoAnns, Michaels, thrift stores, where I can get lost in and spend too much time in wandering the aisles, perusing the projects, wondering how something would look, wondering how I can make it my own.

I have a ton of ideas for this summer, some with the boys, some on my own. Some as family projects, some for when I'm with my crafty pals, and a few for when I'm alone (but really, when does that happen?). All together it will be the summer of crafting! I am so stoked, I told one of my friends, I'm done having babies so I can focus on decorating the house. I'm far from Martha Stewart, more mod podge than Pottery Barn, and coupons/sales/swagbucks/amazon gift cards/ all play a role in being thrifty and creative. I ♥ what I do, and have fun doing it.

The first project: re-covering our dining room chairs. I'm excited to see how it turns out; I have the fabric, batting, staple gun. You-tube to lead me through the steps, and a lot of faith.

For crafting inspiration, here are a few of my favorites:

here's one I found recently-can't remember how, but I love it: http://jonesyfor3plus1.blogspot.com/

and some stamping/cricut ones:

http://www.splitcoaststampers.com/

http://www.mypinkstamper.com/

http://www.skiptomylou.org/

Outdoor fun

2011-05-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

Saturday

Robert had his parole advancement test in the morning, so instead of staying at home, the kids and I went on a bike ride to the Swedish Festival. The weather was fantastic-and we had no trouble getting there. We found a shady spot to watch the parade. Elijah loved the music, and the older boys loved the old cars. I personally loved seeing the couples married 50 years riding in the cars-part of me wanted to ask them just how they lasted so long. After the parade, we walked around downtown, and saw many of our friends (because this is one of those "if you live in Kingsburg, you go here") The boys played at the park downtown, and Robert met us there after his exam. I window shopped in a few of the boutiques-and fell in love with some things for Rebecca (and now I know what some of my friends with daughters were talking about-its fun to shop for a girl!). I just looked though-she really has a lot, and buying more would just lead to excess (which we've been cutting out). Here are some snapshots from that adventure.

Sunday we went to one of our favorite parks, Oso de Oro in Fresno. Its been awhile since we were there, and for the first time, the park felt smaller-I couldn't quite figure out why-was it because the kids were older/larger? or it just is not as big as I remember it. The boys had fun running around, and Rebecca went in the swings/animal ride for the first time there. She was loving it! The boys fed the ducks too while we were there. We left before lunchtime, but I told the kids we'll come back next time with a picnic.

Sun

Plank Pulling Thursday

2011-05-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style

My friend Jennifer has a beautiful blog, one I'm fond of. You can check it out here: The Path Less Taken She has this weekly writing exercise-I forget how it started, but it has piqued my curiosity, so I'm going to participate.

I am one of those people that love to cook. I love to get in the kitchen and see what I can make. Give me a cookbook, money for the grocery store, and a kitchen, and I'm one happy camper. The end result will typically end in delicious tasting, aromatic, all around goodness. Yet, getting there, and keeping it there are two distinct things. I like that eight times out of ten, its a hit here with the family. Yet there's a back story.

First, it takes time. Having four children now, I don't have a lot of spare time-or uninterrupted time is more like it, to spend in the kitchen. When I do have a half or entire hour-the last place I sometimes want to be is the kitchen. Yet I do it-because we can't afford not to.

Going out is not an option for us, as much as I would like. With the cost of gas, the cost of eating out, eating healthy, it all adds up. The typical meal for our family of five (baby Rebecca is not yet included in the food cost) is about $5-$10, tops, when I make it at home. Going out, on the other hand, costs us anywhere from $20-$40. We just don't have it-not if we want to do other things with our money.

My kids would love it if we hit up a restaurant every week. My husband would love for us to go out for pizza or a nice steak dinner, or even somewhere just because we can. All our meals tend to either be planned out in advance, or pulled from the pantry/freezer the hour before. I tend to be the voice of reason, "No, we have food at home." "I would love to make this at home." "Why don't we do that next time"-always the "next time", never "okay, lets just do it." I wish sometimes I could just say, to heck with this all, lets throw caution to the wind and see where it blows.

Well I tried that, and blowing money sucked. Being tapped out and paying for meals on credit sucked. I hated that, and going out did not have the relaxing effect I'm sure most people get when they're being waited on and cooked for. It just became too much stress. Mind you-I haven't mentioned the issue of taking four little ones out for a meal. That's cake-I don't mind taking our kids out. They're kids-they're happy when they get something yummy and are out.

My cooking style is a difference amongst me and my friends. Its not always easy accepting the difference, but I've come a long way in not getting bent out of shape nearly as much as I used to when I see updates from friends about a new restaurant, or going out because they're tired. It's a choice they make, this is a choice we make, and at the end of the day, we're all lucky we have enough food to eat. We may go about it differently, but no one's starving. In the end, that's what really matters.

The LCSW plan

2011-05-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow." —Robert H. Goddard

I started the beginning of reaching my new goal yesterday-finding out how to get my clinical license in social work yesterday. Considering that I've been thinking about where I want to work down the line, somewhere I'm passionate about, it seems that getting this license will help me achieve this outcome. Having a Master's Degree is a prerequisite, so at least I know getting my degree wasn't a waste of time or money well spent. It just appears that due to many factors-getting my license will just rank me higher compared to other applicants.

Since the most challenging part is finding a job anyways (with someone willing to provide supervision hours)-and I need two years of experience (104 weeks/3200 hours) to get my license, researching it now while Rebecca's a baby seems like a smart step. Who knows, by the time I find someone willing to supervise and find a job that works in my family's favor (both which need to happen in order for me to proceed) she could be in preschool-or maybe school. It takes a few months alone for the application to get processed, but just getting the ball rolling is something.

I was nervous poring over the BBS website yesterday-all the requirements, the licensing exam, its a lot to take in. The minimal fees did not scare me, we'll work that into our budget when its time to pay them. Yet, like with grad school, having a fourth child, running a half marathon, its all about facing my fears head on. I am a life long learner, that much I know. I just need to put one foot in front of the other, and remember, its all about the journey.

Pick up the phone

2011-05-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

I am led by something other than myself-I sometimes don't understand it, but I have to believe that there is a purpose behind everything. I won't lie and say everything is easy-far from it. Yet, I walk with my head held high and try to embrace life as it comes.

My mother in law is ill. My sister in law is responsible for taking care of her. Both of these together is a bad combination-not because I don't like it, but because its the truth. My sister in law, who I love dearly, needs assistance to get by herself. Enter myself and my husband. When we were first dating I told him, I knew one day this day would come. The day where we would have to consider who's going to take care of his mom, his sister, and everything else that goes along with them when they could no longer take care of themselves. I knew deep down it would fall onto us-was I thrilled about it-not really. Yet, I'm not one to turn my back on the responsibilities that lie in front of me. I may take time to understand it-take a little bit longer to take action-but its because I don't want to jeopardize something by acting too quickly, too harshly, and without emotion or caring for others (which is why its hard to make these decisions now).

Every couple of hours I get a phone call. Sometimes its every 15 minutes, sometimes once an hour. Its been a few hours now so I know one is coming soon. Will I keep a steady tone-will I maintain a sense of calm? I could see it as pure chaos and hide behind our doors, take the phone off the hook. Yet that's not me. I will face what comes my way-and show my children what its like to take care of each other (from a distance yes, but that will change too in time). I have changed my prayers-seeking strength and wisdom in troubled times, for my husband and I to come together and face the issues which lay ahead, and for peace.

Start fresh, dive in

2011-05-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

Blogger was acting weird this past week-I wrote a post and it disappeared. I wrote another, and that too can't be found. Instead of repeating what I wrote, I'm just going to dive in where I am this morning. I am feeling AWESOME!!! Life is full, and blessed, and I love who I am surrounded by. Yes, we have our struggles-my mother in law is ill and prayer and faith are what's getting me through this tough time. It is what it is, and I consider myself blessed to have the mind and body that I do so I can be there for those who are taking care of her needs, and be prepared to help them get through the trials ahead of us.

I took the crew grocery shopping yesterday-yes, if you saw 4 kids in the cereal aisle with a gleam in their eye, throwing box after box in the cart, that was my crew. What a deal, what a rush, kind of trippy to hear the checkout clerk tell me "ever since that couponing show, a lot more people are coming in with coupons." Ummm, yeah, I am one of those that was around before the show, and will be long after it goes away. It was a thrilling rush to get 30 boxes for under $40-and its not junky, crap food. Its cereal that my kids will eat, we'll donate to the food bank, and we'll use when we have to contribute to a worthwile cause. It is way cheaper and all the coupons I bought off of ebay have already paid for themselves triplefold, so yay!!! I'm underbudget for groceries, and that's an added benefit too.

This weekend I have lots of work ahead of me. Creative projects are brewing in my mind, and the kids are going to help. We have fun times ahead, and I'll be sure to post pictures along the way. Its all in good fun to keep us happy and safe, and not wear out the car with gas. Yes gas is still high, but it is what it is, and I'm not going to let it ruin my day or rain on my parade. Life is too good to be sad by it.

I finished Financial Peace, whoooooo hoooooo!!!! Life will never be the same since I took that course-well worth the time, babysitting issues, and money. I can never go back to credit (not that we have, but boy am I thankful those credit cards are shredded!) We have a plan for emergencies, and that's a wonderful feeling.

So I'm off for the day, hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

Reflections from Mother's Day

2011-05-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is one of those holidays I look forward to and dread at the same time. Expectations, memories, wishes, dreams, it all comes to the surface. I am usually an optimistic, full of life, fun loving person, but on this day-I never quite know how its going to be. Memories of my mom during my childhood, teen years, and adulthood intermingle with how I parent my own children, thinking of moms I know thanks to having children, and those who are without their moms/children today. It all leads to an emotional day-one that could either render tears of joy or sadness, smiles or frowns, the cup half full or the cup half empty perspective. I'd like to think I balanced it all, all came to me yesterday, it was just a matter of surviving-and not passing on my issues to my kids-for their own memories of Mother's Day with me are forming now.

I muddled my way through the start of the day, completely aware that I was apt to get weepy or emotional at the drop of a hat. I enjoyed coffee and reading blogs before heading to breakfast with the children, Robert took the lead on grocery shopping, we enjoyed an afternoon of playing outside. I enjoyed sangria on the porch, and Robert made dinner for the family. I avoided the kitchen, except to refill my glass, and the laundry and errands that normally get done, were avoided too. I tried not to dwell on the stuff facing me this week-and soaked up the smiles and cuddles with the boys and baby too. I talked with my mother in law and dad's girlfriend, both who wished me a memorable mother's day and reminded me to just enjoy the day as it came, for my "alone" time would come one day, and I'd miss this type of chaos. I thought of the mom I am, the ones I aspire to, and the ones I'm nothing like. For the most part, we all try to do the best for our children, and even if we have different parenting styles, we're all trying to raise our children to be healthy, well adjusted adults.

On a side note, it was also Matthew's 7th birthday. My sweet boy, the one who turned my world upside down and introduced me to parenthood, is getting tall and lean, loves to run, has an active imagination, and has a heart of gold. I'd like to think he had a fun birthday-even if it meant having to share Mother's Day with me. We sang him happy birthday, and he chose his first belt buckle from the western store. We meant to get summer sandals but the store moved-so that plan is delayed until next weekend. I'm baking him a cake today (I did mention I took the day off from cooking yesterday, right?). Cupcakes were brought in last Friday to school, and he talked to his grandparents who all wished him a happy birthday. It was simple and sweet, and full of love.

So in the end, I survived the day; but more than that, I enjoyed it too. I had my sons and daughter, husband, and my life. I don't need anything more.

My life

2011-05-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like my life is a country song; and I can relate to living in a small town where its all about who does what and when and how. Its growing on me, seven years later.

Dirt Road Anthem is the third single by American country music singer, Jason Aldean, from his fourth studio album, “My Kinda Party”, released on November 2, 2010 on Broken Bow Records.
The song was written by country music artists Colt Ford and Brantley Gilbert (who also wrote Aldean’s hit “My Kinda Party”), both of whom recorded their own versions of the song.
Here you can listen the song.

Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem Lyrics
Yeah I’m chillin’ on a dirt road
Laid back swervin’ like I’m George Jones
Smoke rollin’ out the window
An ice cold beer sittin’ in the console
Memory lane up in the headlights
It’s got me reminiscing on them good times
I’m turnin’ off a real life drive and that’s right
I’m hittin’ easy streat on mud tires
Back in the day Potts farm was the place to go
Load the truck up hit the dirt road
Jump the barbed wire, spread the word
Light the bonfire then call the girls
King in the can and the Marlboro man
Jack n’ Jim were a few good men
Where you learned how to kiss and cuss and fight too
Better watch out for the boys in blue
And all this small town he said, she said
Ain’t it funny how rumors spread?
Like I know somethin’ y’all don’t know,
man that talk is gettin’ old
you better mind your business man,
watch your mouth
Before I have to knock that loud mouth out
I’m tired of talkin’ man y’all ain’t listenin’
Them ol’ dirt roads, is what y’all missin’
Yeah I’m chillin’ on a dirt road
Laid back swervin’ like I’m George Jones
Smoke rollin’ out the window
An ice cold beer sittin’ in the console
Memory lane up in the headlights
It’s got me reminiscing on them good times
I’m turnin’ off a real life drive and that’s right
I’m hittin’ easy streat on mud tires
I sit back and think about them good old days
They way we were raise in our southern ways
And we like cornbread and biscuits
And if it’s broke ’round here we fix it
I can take y’all where you need to go
Down to my hood back in them woods
We do it different ’round here that’s right
But we sure do it good and we do it all night
So if you really want to know how it feels
To get off the road with trucks and four wheels
Jump on in and man tell your friends
We’ll raise some hell where the black top ends
Yeah I’m chillin’ on a dirt road
Laid back swervin’ like I’m George Jones
Smoke rollin’ out the window
An ice cold beer sittin’ in the console
Memory lane up in the headlights
It’s got me reminiscing on them good times
I’m turnin’ off a real life drive and that’s right
I’m hittin’ easy streat on mud tires
Let’s ride
Yeah I’m chillin’ on a dirt road
Laid back swervin’ like I’m George Jones
Smoke rollin’ out the window
An ice cold beer sittin’ in the console
Memory lane up in the headlights
It’s got me reminiscing on them good times
I’m turnin’ off a real life drive and that’s right
I’m hittin’ easy streat on mud tires
Let’s ride
Song Information
Released April 4, 2011
Genre Country, Country-rap
Length 3:50
Label Broken Bow
Writers Colt Ford, Brantley Gilbert
Producer Michael Knox

May Madness

2011-05-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm on a roll this morning, there's a lot going on this month, and it helps to stay on top of it. This week we have two big events~Matthew's birthday and Mother's Day. We're holding tight to being weird, and controlling our finances, instead of them controlling us. I'm proud to say that next week is the last week of Financial Peace University, and we're better off financially than we were when we started the program.

I've stepped up my couponing-purchasing whole inserts and watching the sales. The pantry is stocked, and meal planning is helping us stay on track. We're eating all meals at home, and have back up plans for crazy days, as well as plans for the events coming up. Gazelle intense is not hard once you get acclimated to it, and surrounding myself with others who feel the same way has been such a godsend. I can't speak highly enough about the DR Financial Peace Program, it has been so worth it! I'm now excited to work on the third baby step of DR's plan, and seeing how much head way we can make towards our goals every month. I hope to stay motivated-and then pass on what we've learned to others.

Summertime is quickly approaching, and we're discussing what we want to do for family activities. Gas prices are a huge consideration~because it costs so much to go somewhere~yet, I still consider us fortunate to have what we have. I have faith that we'll figure out what we want to do, and the children will have a memorable summer.

Ready, set, run!

2011-05-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

I hate when I get into a funk. More than anything else, I think my husband hates it too. Its part of life though-the sadness makes life that much sweeter so when I do come out of it, I am that much more appreciative of what I have around me. Instead of dwelling on what is out of my control, I'm choosing to focus on the here and now, the present, and all that surrounds me.

Robert has been a huge help the past few days while I was recovering from my half marathon run. Yes, you heard that right-I completed the half marathon this past weekend. It was exhilarating, mind blowing, and the toughest physical challenge of my life. While I was on my run, I remember thinking, "one foot in front of the other", "its all about crossing that finish line" and "if I can go through natural childbirth four times, I can surely do this". 13 miles is a long distance for someone who's never ran a lot, and it gave me plenty of time to reflect on what I'm doing in my life, and where I want to be. The first two miles and the last two miles were the hardest; I never thought I'd reach the end~I definitely felt like I was ready to quit-but I didn't want to-I knew the end result was going to be amazing. 3 hours, 19 minutes later I crossed that finish line, and I was so proud of myself!

It was so much fun, that despite the soreness I felt later, I'm already planning out my next events. I already have the Kingsburg Dala Horse Trot 10K run in a couple of weeks, and now contemplating whether to sign up for the 10K run in Morro Bay in July with some friends. Running has definitely been a great way to have "me" time, and focus on my health-and after last week's stressful events, I definitely want to take care of me. Here are some pictures of that wonderful morning :)

On our way to V-town, bright and early Saturday morning!

Ready to run!

My cheering team!

Crossing that finish line!

I DID IT!!!!!

Beach bound-Spring Break 2011

2011-05-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

It was quite an adventure taking our first family of six beach trip. The scenery was breathtaking, and we enjoyed each other's company. Rebecca stayed nice and warm in the Moby wrap-and we went for a long walk along the coastline. The kids were in awe of the sand dollars and jelly fish that were washing up on shore. Memories were made....

The grandchildren with Grandpa and Grandma

The Allen Family 6

Avila Valley Barn-Spring Break 2011

2011-05-02T08:32:00.001-07:00

We went to Avila Valley Barn in Avila Beach during Spring Break. The weather and nature were beautiful. There were cute shops, and places to picnic, along with small animals the kids could feed. We'll be back again this summer, as there are pick your own fruit orchards that will be ready throughout the coming months. The kids had a wonderful time feeding the animals, and Robert and I enjoyed seeing them explore their surroundings. We enjoyed a picnic lunch, and then enjoyed some strawberries that were grown on site. It was definitely a day to remember :)

Betrayl/Cowards

2011-04-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

(With the recent events of this week-this is about as far as I can type out w/o shaking in disbelief/outrage/sadness. Let it be said that Robert and I are okay, but that we're doing our best to support others through a terrible time)

There's some things I just can't stand-cowardly behavior. Yes, its one thing to be scared out of your mind-its another thing to be a coward. The defining line is when it affects other people, and breaks hearts and dreams. Age and wisdom come into play too-and as such maybe I'm being hard on her, but dang it she's 33 or 34, and supposedly intelligent. However, her recent actions speak otherwise. I can't go into details right now without getting super emotional, and can only pray for those involved.

Anniverary/Easter

2011-04-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind weekend. We had my dad and MA in town to celebrate Easter with us; right before the divorce trial of my parents early next week. its been a weekend of emotions-shared over coffee, wine, walks, and late night talks. Its been decided that I go to court to testify as a rebuttal witness-not thrilled about that-but things I've seen and heard will help in the division of responsibility.

It was our seventh anniversary today. It was surreal waking up this morning; seven years ago it was my wedding day, and it was just Robert and I. Now its the six of us. We've had our share of ups and downs, and its been quite a journey. Every year seems to be better than the last-and we've become tighter knit than the year before. The only part I hated was how knowing my parents would have celebrated 35 years last month-so it was a tough pill, a tough moment to pass by-yet I know it's been just a date on a calendar for the past 5 years-maybe longer, but at least that long since there was love between those two people. At the same time, I know that its important for us to celebrate our marriage, because its ours (not my parents). We left the kids with my dad and went to dinner. Margaritas, good food, and each other. I couldn't have asked for a better time with my husband ♥

Talking with my father I see how Robert and I are truly doing things different from my parents-everything from the way we disagree to division of responsibility. I loved seeing my dad, or Zadie as the children call him, hold Rebecca-the misty look in eyes, when he didn't think anyone was looking -almost like he was remembering holding me as a baby. Seeing a picture of my mom and I, and then me holding Rebecca-that's a throat closing moment. Sigh.....

This week is sure to be an emotional one. I will need to rely on my inner strength and prayer to get through it. I did want to write about Easter, but that shall remain for another post. It's time to unwind and enjoy the rest of the evening before the busyness of tomorrow begins.

Sping Break

2011-04-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a staycation for Spring Break-its included a trip to see Grandma and Grandpa, a special trip to the beach, a lot of playtime outside riding bikes, and having friends come over. Its felt like a great break for me too; I escaped to H's home to watch Extreme Couponing and talk about our week. We had her and the kids over yesterday to play, and the kids were entertained by sidewalk chalk and their bikes. We dealt with Elijah possibly having the stomach flu to find out it was a raging ear infection. We even managed to get away for dinner at the steakhouse as a family thanks to a mystery shop that popped up.

There was a lot we couldn't do-but that was due to a sick child in the house. It was a bummer of sorts, but it was a reminder to take down time-and focus on our health and each other; away from the computer, away from the tv, and just nurture and take care of each other. I loved having Robert home this week; I think he was happy to spend it with us too.

It will be different come Monday with him going back to work; we've enjoyed leisurely breakfasts and lunches outside, dinner being taken care of at ease without worrying about completing homework and leaving for night school.

I'm totally looking forward to summer vacation already; no worries, no places we have to go, nothing major on our radar. It reminds me of the days when we had three little ones at home and no one was in school yet-the days were just for us. How I long for that (and will miss the taste of it that we got this week). For what its worth, Rebecca had no problem adjusting to the extra noise this week-she slept and ate, and played well-if anything having everyone home made it so she was worn out sooner than later-goes to show when its a full house, there's always something interesting going on.

The days are passing quickly. Our anniversary is in two days. Seven years married ♥ my life. ♥ my husband ♥ my noisy active boys and baby girl. I am one blessed lady :)

Dave Ramsey Live

2011-04-21T07:49:00.001-07:00

Last night I was reading my blogs, the ones that I love to read about couponing and frugal living, living simply and crafting. My FPU instructor mentioned how she is going to see Dave Ramsey in September when he comes to CA. I was so happy for her-she's an awesome instructor-and to hear her story about her and her husband and their three kids doing the Dave Ramsey plan the first week of class, it was inspiring. So last night I was talking with Robert about it, and he was up for me going, even better, he was up for me and H going since he wasn't too comfortable leaving Rebecca alone somewhere else just yet. I told him I would talk it over with her, and when I went over to her home to watch Extreme Couponing (which, for the record, is not what I do) I asked her about it. Her eyes lit up-we decided we'd go! So excited, I bought the tickets now, and we'll either make it a long day trip or an overnight, depending on how everything is going as it gets closer to that date. LA is about 4 1/2 hours from here, so we could really do it easily-and taking her compact car, splitting the gas will be a breeze! I'm so excited, seeing Dave Ramsey live is just awesome. And folks, this is why I'm weird-but that's okay :)

Frugal travel

2011-04-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

Something I've learned from Dave Ramsey-the best part of a vacation is paying for it in cash (or debit). Either way-not having credit card bills looming in the future. Since changing our way of living, I have seen a definite upside. No bills. The stress of traveling with children is nothing compared to what it used to feel like paying for something with a credit card and worrying if we were going to have the funds to pay it in full by the next month's paycheck. This may seem like common sense to some-but when you see your parents pay for things on credit-and don't have a clue about how things get paid-then you understand how huge of a milestone this is for our family.

We've streamlined how we travel with children. We pack a couple of coolers with drinks and sandwiches. We bring breakfast food and snacks. Dinner we figure we'll eat out, but always keep our coupon binder handy, and look for local places. The internet is a useful tool-from finding a 3 1/2 star hotel (Holiday Inn Suites) on Priceline for the same cost as Motel 6, to finding local attractions that are off the beaten path.

This most recent trip was no exception. I wasn't panicky about the 4.17/gallon for gas (and spending $70 per fill up, that's saying a lot!) I wasn't worried about how much we would spend on eating out. I will admit that finding out our hotel room had a full kitchen upon arrival made planning for dinner a little easier. My main focus-on having the best possible time with my family. We had an amazing getaway as a family. We ate well, the kids had fun-and Robert and I had some alone time once all four children were asleep. We relaxed, and made memories that will last. With all the heartache in the world, it was nice to have some respite from it all. No worries, and no credit card bills that followed us home.

Train trip April 2011

2011-04-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

On a warm, sunny day, we ventured from Fresno to Sacramento with Matthew's Cub Scout pack. Our plan was to do sightseeing and exploring, keeping in mind with young kids our plans could change in an instant. Since we had planned this prior to Rebecca's birth-and as it was, I thought Robert would be with me most the trip, I envisioned the trip happening a certain way. It was nothing like I expected; and in retrospect, I'm amazed by how well we managed to get around.

I had the children alone overnight, and managed to get all of us to the train station on time. It was crazy, but I managed-and getting on that train-was such a good feeling. I have worried about us not being able to do as much as a large family, let alone a large family with a baby-but the opposite is true. It may be slow going sometimes traveling with children, especially young children, but by traveling with kids, I see how joy and fun can come from something as simple as playing on the footsteps of the Capitol building.

The kids really had a great time. We were all grinning when a family with children approached us and started talking about cub scouts with us. One dad had his son give Matthew the Boy Scout handshake (which Matthew just learned). We met up with Robert for a picnic lunch, and the train ride home. It was no surprise to Robert or myself when I started talking about the next train trip we'll take this summer, possibly to Sacramento-or maybe down south. I knew once I accomplished this trip with the children, nothing would hold us back. Here are some images from that very long, adventurous day trip.

What do you say?

2011-04-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Big prayers going out to K's family. My jaw hit the ground-and my heart literally hurt when I read her post. Its strange how one minute I'm thinking about the Pinewood Derby this weekend, and our trip next week, and how everything was going to work out, and the next I'm giving the boys extra hugs and having cookies before dinner. I just wanted to wrap my arms around them tighter last night. :(

Small town living

2011-04-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

I love this song, and what it embodies for me. Sometimes I have these moments where I miss the Bay Area; it comes and goes, and lately its further and further apart. Living here in this house, in this small town -people know you. It weirded me out at first, sometimes it still does. However, along with the downside (gossip, mainly) is the huge upside. Living where people know each other, where everyone is connected to someone else in some way, and before you know it your circle of support has expanded. In my case, the circle of support is getting spun from nothing.

I went to a moms group today at a local church, the one where I'm taking Financial Peace University. I've been welcomed there from the start, and its nice to meet new, friendly faces. I've seen everyone from the woman who lived in the house I own now (which is such a trip, considering I met her when I first saw this home!) to people who are going to have children at the same schools the boys attend. I spoke to the leaders there today-one of whom I never met (because she was always in the nursery) about getting involved in leadership for next year. Leave it to me-someone who has only been there a couple of months to step up and ask what else can be done-its forever in my DNA to see what I can do and how I can get involved. I never know what the future holds, but I'm embracing change. I definitely feel like I'm being pulled/led towards something, and even though I'm not quite sure where yet, I know things happen for a reason. Let the doors open and the path unfold.

retirement

2011-04-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Financial Peace University met last night, and I was a bit reluctant to attend. It's not that I'm not gung-ho about DR, but right now-I'm stuck. I'm stuck because I don't know how to invest. I have this idea in my head about what I want our money to do, but don't know how to do it. Yet going there, hearing the lesson, talking with others, its always what I need. Someone I know who's also taking the course said it's like bible study. Truth be told, it was. It was just what I needed to hear. Its okay that I'm scared-its hard planning for the future. For so long its been living day to day, but to have a plan, a plan for retirement, thinking about where I want to be at 70 and where Robert's going to be at 70-its hard.

We did talk last night briefly about it, just to get the topic on the table. It turns out we're better than I thought we were-because Robert started his retirement savings at 33, and I'm starting mine now. at 31. While I'm freaked out about not having anything now for myself, it doesn't mean it will always be this way. Seeing the scenarios yesterday in class, it makes sense. I just need to get educated-and that's why I'm taking this course ;)

Marriage/mom

2011-04-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

The past few days since the divorce hearings, my mind has been busy. Busy with my own kids, busy with trying to keep up with what mystery shops I had to complete, busy juggling Moms Club responsibilities. I had to shelve what questions I had, my emotions about it, just so I could focus on what I needed to. Yet at the same time, my thoughts and feelings were there. Shelved, but there. I talked to Robert about it on the ride home from Sacramento. It was a crazy busy day-and finally, I could talk to him while the kids were off with their friends.

The whole thing is a mess-but in the end-its not my mess. My parents will have to be adults and hash it out. Its unfortunate that my mom is the way she is-but there's definitely something not all there; but its out of my control. I have to remind myself that my marriage is my own-that I'm not repeating history. I wonder sometimes if I'm going to turn into her-the one that needs control, likes things in order to the nth degree, become unglued if plans change.

Saturday was a huge test-and I feel like at the end of the day, it was all okay-but it was quite a challenge. I thought I had it all figured out-had low expectations-yet even those were tested. It was a miracle we made it back to the train stop back home right in the nick of time, and I thought it was going to be a long, uncomfortable ride back home. That didn't happen-if anything it was more fun than the ride home. It goes to show how Robert and I are compatible-how we balance each other out-and how we work together as a team. I was acknowledged for facing challenges head on-and putting up with some crazy ideas. The kids saw us hashing out our differences-but not in a mean spirited, hurtful way. Instead of fuming all the way home, we communicated-and didn't let it boil over. Our focus was one and the same-the safety of our children and ourselves. All of this helps me see the path I'm taking is different from my parents. I could not control anything or anyone other than myself. I wish I could say the same for others-that they could see the same way I do. For life would be different, and perhaps a bit sweeter.

Its not easy to say that my mom is not a part of my life. It is hard when I hear my friends talk about taking the kids to see Grandma, or how their mom tries to impart their views on their life. Its sad that she's missed out on the pregnancies, the day to day life with children, welcoming a baby girl into my life. I am not proud of the situation-but I also cannot hide from what it is. She's mentally imbalanced-and for the sake of my family's wellbeing-its best that she's not part of it. Sad. I do have a better relationship with my dad-but its taken years to get to this point. I always look forward to his visits-and so do his grandchildren. He hears the stories of how Robert and I are always trying to work stuff out-but not in a negative way-just in the day to day life that it is having children, work, and school responsibilities. He gives credit where its due, but will also speak up when he disagrees. I'm looking forward to his trip out here in a couple of weeks; he has yet to meet Rebecca and I cannot wait to get some pictures of him with all the grandchildren.

Mismatched socks

2011-04-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Life is all about the mismatched socks here. It used to be Robert and I. Socks never were a problem. Then we had Matthew. Easy enough, add his clothes to the mix. Then add Gabriel. Yeah, two kids, close in age, clothes started to get jumbled as did socks. Add Elijah-small socks for a younger brother. Now Rebecca-pink, purple, yellow-all teeny-tiny-yet I love seeing her toes instead of socks. And the socks, sit in a basket. Used for playtime, to tease brothers, bug me when they sit there in the basket too long. Yet, they sit there because I'm busy living life with four beautiful, healthy children, as it should be.

This weekend we ventured to a family festival at Fresno Pacific University. It was family centered-and it was such a good fit for our family. We listened to music, saw how brooms were made, also saw a quilt auction. Oh how I loved those handmade quilts. It really makes me want to make one for the children-one of these days.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping-all six of us. I'm never too sure of how good of an idea it is to grocery shop as a family-I hear the horror stories, the gimmies, the wants, the tears. We have that too-but we don't give in. Well, let me rephrase that, we do our best to show our kids how the money we have gets spent on food we need, and how by making certain things at home, and avoiding others, we are healthier. I also like them to see how much things cost, and eventually I want them to learn how its cheaper to eat at home too.

I know my kids would probably devour the go-gurts and frozen burritos in the store, yet I choose to get the unsweetened yogurt and add fresh fruit-or make our own bean and cheese burritos. It was definitely a stock up trip-spent most of our time in the bulk bin section this time. I didn't blink when the bill hit $60-yet I think Robert wondered what we spent money on. The comical thing is I know that's cheap-but we have a lot of food a home so the damage could have been far worse. My homemade pantry of bulk bins is looking good-I'm starting to see it come together, using the old coffee containers and glass jars for various ingredients. It's not something you'd see in a Martha Stewart magazine, but it works for me. I'll upload a picture-but to some degree I doubt anyone wants to see how I store food. I'm just proud of this skill I learned, it helps my family, so that's why I'm proud of it.

This week is a busy week. It will be nice to spend time outdoors now that the weather is improving-I also need to work on my runs too. I went for a long run on Saturday morning, and plan to do some extended walking today to keep my body going strong. I'm loving the effects of the exercise and healthy eating-between the two I think it made it easy to fit back into my pre-pregnancy shorts from a couple of years ago. I didn't wear them very much last year as I was pregnant with Rebecca-but its nice to wear them now.

So the children are calling, its time to go to school. Have a wonderful week everyone :)

Ready for the weekend

2011-04-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm ready to start this weekend-and just have to wait for the boys to get off from school. We'll hit up the park-its going to be a beautiful day. Thinking of surprising them with homemade smoothies-that's an awesome treat on a warm spring afternoon. The weekend will be fun-hit up the parks, have a picnic outside, work on our garden. The Just Between Friends sale is this weekend too-I sold many items a couple of weeks ago, so not sure how this one will pan out. Either way, having the space is nice and I've been able to make room for Rebecca's clothes.

Speaking of Rebecca's clothes-and actually, all my children-we have been blessed with very generous friends. This week, I received clothes for both Rebecca and Matthew (which will work their way down to Elijah), so my kids are set for a long time, clothes wise. I'm purposely buying my friends gift certificates as a thank you gesture-what they've saved me in money over the years-awesome :) I'm passing stuff on already from Elijah-to other friends. Baby stuff is going to get new owners too, as Rebecca gets bigger. She's feeling more solid these days, but is still petite. I wonder how her appointments will go this month-we shall see.

My financial hat will go on later this weekend, but for now-I'm just going to enjoy the warm spring weather with my crew.

Bonding time

2011-03-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

I had a nice conversation with my dad last tonight. He called to see how we were doing out here, and how my brother's visit was too. I told him him how it went really well; I loved having Brian and his girlfriend here for the weekend. Any worry I had about the kids being too much, or the weather ruining our fun-well, it all worked out. Claire was hands on with Rebecca, and we ventured to Imagine U. The kids had fun-and Brian's quite the photographer. Brian and Claire offered to watch the boys so we could go out for the evening, and we took Rebecca since we didn't quite know how long we'd be gone. We tried something new and ventured out for Indian food, using one of the restaurant.com gift certificates I bought last year. I loved going off the beaten path-eating something other than Mexican, Italian, or the old standbys of chain restaurants. My dad was surprised by our choice-but then I reminded him how part of my love for other cuisines was because he and my mom exposed me to them throughout my childhood. Robert was exposed to them during his time in the military. We also talked about how Robert and I hope to pass on our love for trying new things to our children-by taking them for various dining experiences that are away from the norm, as well as going to cultural events.

We also talked about my youngest brother, and his current situation. Since I learned about what's going on with him, I've had more questions than answers, and I have Dave Ramsey in the back of my head. Constantly. I told my dad how Financial Peace University has been the best thing for us-and is giving us direction to work on our long term goals. I'm not the only one disappointed with my brother's decisions-but they were his to make, and he'll have to live with the consequences. My dad understands how Robert and I are focused on our family-and expects us to be. I can't worry about all the unknowns for my brother-just support him-even if it through tough love.

Talking with my dad about financial planning (and my conversations about it with Claire (who is a financial planner)), I came to find out how him and my mom were millionaires at one point-that's how they had bought the second home-and they were spending more instead of saving-and then lost it all. I didn't have a clue-all I knew is that college was paid for, and that was it. On the flip side, now retirement is not an option at this point-but then again, neither is defeat. Its hard to assure him that everything is going to be okay-when in all honesty-he got the short end of the stick. Yet-seeing him-and seeing my MIL too with her financial (and health) situation gives me the push I need, gives Robert and I the incentive to be different-so we can learn from our parents mistakes.

I feel more grounded than I ever have-yet more free. We can do more (and not necessarily spend more). Our house may not be overflowing with items-but our kids are not hurting for toys or entertainment. We are enjoying our pace-and doing activities that we want to do. Going to the children's museum this past weekend-it was fun :) Participating in scouts-both with the train trip and the pinewood derby coming up, Matthew and Gabriel are super excited about it. I'm looking forward to all the activities that are coming up in spring and summer, I'm just happy the weather is getting nicer so we can go out more :)

I will admit-I was wondering if I was going to have pangs of envy when Claire was here. She has an awesome career, her own home, and can do pretty much whatever she wants, when she's not working (which she loves). She's an international traveler with stamps in her passport. She's connected to her mom, and appears to have good relationships with all her siblings. Yet, the grass isn't always greener. I think we came to the conclusion this past weekend that we both would love to have what the other one has to some degree, but the life that we live already is awesome too. I know she wants to have a family of her own-sooner than later, and is worried about all the unknowns-the same unknowns that plagued me in the beginning when we were starting a family. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. Its just not in my DNA to go shopping out of boredom-yet, I'm always on the hunt for a bargain. I am frugal to the nth degree-yet open to buying something because we do need it. I love to cook, and bake, yet am open to trying out new restaurants and new ventures. I'm all for staying at home on a Saturday night, yet can go out too and have a great time. I love having time for arts and crafts, yet love getting outside too.

Life really does have a way of working itself out-its a journey, one that has twists and curves. Here are some pictures of my brother's visit with us this weekend :)

Elijah with Uncle Brian

Rebecca with Uncle Brian
Gabriel with Uncle Brian
All the kids with Uncle Brian
Miss Rebecca (four months)

Claire with Rebecca at the museum
Elijah the Flamingo playing trains
Uncle Brian couldn't resist the panda :)
Elijah
Lunch at Costco
Playtime with Claire

Elijah made a new friend :)

Partnership

2011-03-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

Without You - Keith Urban - Keith Urban Videos

♥ my husband. I caught him snuggling our baby girl this morning, and my heart melted. I've loved seeing the bond between him and each one of our boys grow-from the snippets I sneak of seeing him one-on-one with them, and now to see it w/ Rebecca, it makes my heart swell. He's been working with Matthew on tying shoes, reading with Gabriel, and potty training with Elijah. He's involved in the day to day stuff of our children, supports me in my endeavors, and all while being a great provider for our family. I wish I could bottle up this time.

Wisdom & growing up

2011-03-25T05:30:00.000-07:00

I heard this song yesterday, and it reminds me of me at 17 and made me think of Rebecca in her car seat in the back of the van one day being that age. I'm in no rush to get there, but I know how time can pass by in a blink of an eye.

I've been having some grown up moments lately, and I don't know what to make of them. As separate events, they wouldn't amount to much-but together I feel like its showing growth. The hearing for the big D is next month, and I received paperwork for my dad. Felt great that he used my address-and hearing that he used mine because he knew I would get the paperwork to him-a grown up moment. My youngest brother bought a car-and the first words I thought were-Not a car payment, really? You have no debt-and have all your savings, yet you have a car payment? That and renting a place w/ his girlfriend-I'm not opposed to the idea-she seems like a sweet girl, yet I really hope they pay cash for the stuff they need, and know how to budget so they can save for a house, their future, paying for school w/o sinking into student loans. My other brother and I were talking about relationships and moving in with significant others, job stability, and kids...Yes all of that-stuff that I never saw us talking about seven years ago-but now we're both talking about planning-so we can enjoy life to the fullest.

Getting the life insurance exam itself yesterday was not a big deal-yet what it symbolizes is a huge deal. We're finally taking a huge weight off our shoulders-and we'll have enough to cover college for all four kids, pay off the house, and not have financial stress associated with losing a loved one. That's a huge grown up moment for me.

I'm looking forward to our staycation this year. Yes-a staycation-filled with day trips and gasp-maybe eating out. I love having Robert on board-we're going to see what interests the boys and make some plans around what they want to do. We joke how we prefer to eat at home (cheaper and healthier), but we have the coupon book and groupons to use, so between those we do have room in our budget for a couple of treats. Its just a matter of using those for meals out or something more exciting, like the Clovis Rodeo. So many choices :)

I was thinking today about Robert's 50th birthday next November (in 2012) I would love to take him on a getaway to celebrate (since we've talked about doing that for some time). I remember The best vacation ever story from FPU a couple of weeks ago. I'm thinking BIG-and I want to fund it soley in cash. This is besides any trip we take this summer, or later this year. With careful planning we will be able to do as much as we want, and much more. He wants to see Garth Brooks at the Wynn in Las Vegas. I'm not at the point to buy tickets (although as pricey and sold out as they are, maybe I should look into that now). Still-thinking about it? Knowing that it can happen? Considering where we were when we had furloughs for the first time to now-such a grown up moment.