Thursday, September 1, 2011

Biting off more than I can handle

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.
For weeks now I've been contemplating whether or not to home school, or un-school my children. I've sat around, prayed, chewed on it, have thought it to death. Why, oh why, would I want to do this to myself-and to them. Today, it hit me.


We are always on the go, more or less, throughout our week. When the boys were younger, our days were filled with storytime, playtime, playgroups, and other fun activities. Those activities melded well with whatever it was I was doing- whether it was graduate school, focusing on motherhood, substitute teaching, or being a mystery shopper. I felt fairly capable of handling it all.

Yet today, literally and figuratively, I ran out of gas. I had plans this morning to do what needed to get done with my monthly shops, so I wouldn't have to worry about a shortened work/school week next week. I had a dentist appointment for myself (which in itself is not a huge deal, but keeping the appointment is actually something I had to force myself to do). We had two soccer practices in the evening, both at the same time, but on different fields. I was responsible for shuttling kids around from drop off this morning to pick up this afternoon, back and forth to soccer practice, and making breakfast, lunch, and dinner times six. I'm exhausted just reading it, and yet I lived it today. Then it happened.

On the way home to my dental appointment this afternoon, I ran out of gas. Thankfully, I had just pulled off the freeway onto the street I go to take home. Thankfully, the person I had set up to watch Rebecca was already waiting outside my home, and able to ferry over a gas can to me. Thankfully, the person who had the dental appointment after me showed up early, and the dentist's office switched our appointments. Thankfully, it all worked out. Was it stressful? In someways yes, but honestly, I was not bothered by it as much as I could have been-I have mellowed out in age, having the amount of responsibility I have, and seeing the big picture. Recently hearing about women facing terminal illnesses, both their own and their loved ones, puts annoyances like what happened to me in perspective.

Yet, here's my plank. I still bite off more than I can handle. I am reluctant to say no-to anything. I'm still standing after everything that happened today-and I will get up tomorrow with my plate completely full. Will it change? Perhaps. Robert wants me to enjoy life-the fruits of my labor, the boys, Rebecca. Not work so much, so hard, do so many projects, spread myself too thin.

I see life as a journey though, and want to soak up everything that I can from it. I only get to live once, I might as well sleep when I'm dead. Yes I said dead; but I'm not going anywhere yet, I hope. In that spirit, I will enjoy what I have in front of me, my full plate, soak up all the experiences that face me. I will thank my lucky stars to have friends who see me for me, show up with a gas can to fill me up (both literally and figuratively) and look to be the same friend to others.


Dana said...

So... what did you decide about the homeschooling?! ;-)

Kelly said...

Yes Jenn, we are dying to know. I do enjoy the flexibility it affords. We usually start around 9 in our pjs. I only get dressed and wear makeup if I have somewhere I have to be. I am busy though too with Katie's activities and her school is pretty demanding. But I love it. I love staying home and being with the kids and I love being the one teaching them.