Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Poured myself a drink, and having me some therapy time. I used to keep journals when I was a teen-it was my saving grace sometimes, the house I grew up in. Now sitting in my own house, I realize, it too can still be my saving grace-I've taken to messageboards and forums, yet nothing beats pad and paper and coffeehouse, although in this case its laptop and playroom/office. If my words seem a bit random at times, please excuse them-I'm a bit perplexed, emotional at others, but I'll lay it all out there.

Life is humming along in the A house; school, work, life with kids, its busy. I'm at a crossroads though-the proverbial fork in the road. It could be a bypass, leading me back though, but still who knows. These are my most recent thoughts

-there's too many orphans in the world. Hearing about children coming over from Haiti-tiny tugs at my heart. I don't think this is feasible, nor is adopting/fostering stateside for a few reasons-a very big one being I don't think R and I are at the same place on this. I truly think we know we need to raise our own children, before we take more on. That opens up the baby fever. Sigh. No news there. Still a glimmer, but I have to admit, getting through these physically challenging years, its worth it-even with my sweet potato stained sweatpants (and boy did E give me a second look when he did that tonight-but I was just happy for the hug from my two year old)

-I love my friends-the ones near and far, and in between. The ones that love me and laugh at my craziness for going into a dive bar 6 months pregnant (I was the sober driver), or hanging out with me at our house full of odds and ends, macaroni to feed the kids, and conversation that has no end. I love the friends that know I love to save a penny, but won't make it bleed-I'll buy my kids what they need when they need it, and yes I may be frugal minded, but they don't hurtfully call me a tightwad or cheapskate. No one's perfect, but I love how I can talk to people, text, phone, instant message, those friends are true blue, and however long we're bound, its a blessing in my life.

Licensing or law school. Not sure I can handle dispensing therapy to others-look at how I'm avoiding confronting a few people right now on their issues, but then again its them, not me. That sounds so wrong, maybe law school is the better bet. Child welfare is something I'm becoming passionate about-hmmmm. Need to focus, deliberate pros and cons.

Thinking about summer plans. Still on track to get caught up and wondering how many season passes we should get, water park in nearby city, continue with the aquarium, really want to get away from it all-take the kids on a train trip, not too far-but far enough. plenty of time for trips across state lines, and international one day. definitely ideas going through our heads, R and I want to pass on our love of the broader world.

Final thought-I connected this blog with my facebook. why? Because I'm not ashamed of who I am, and I think people who are most likely to read it are those who are non judgemental and have a grip on themselves, so if by some chance they see themselves in my writing, they won't go on the defense with me about it-and if they do, I'm sure they'll approach me and not get passive agressive.

Final, final thought, love life. Its too short, and wherever my road leads, I'm sure someone knows the where and the why. I'll just kick back and enjoy the ride.

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