Fever

As if my plate weren't full enough, baby fever has hit. Now more moms I know are having babies, and going from three to four, four to five, and its driving me a little nutso. Life is busier than ever, and while its hard to keep up, I wouldn't have it any other way. The house is better fuller, more laughter, more cuddles, it is a weird blend of chaos and fun, and always something going on. And then I wonder, what the heck am I thinking. Having E turn two means our baby days are ending-more and more signs of independance, seat getting turned forward (yes, rear facing until two-what a small fry he is!) and no more high chair. Talking in sentences that we can understand, and while we have issues with crying-more and more words everyday. Scary how much this child understands and can tell us. I'm finally in a good groove taking three kids out somewhere. So really why go back? I hear naysayers saying think of finances, think of how to raise the children you have, just stop and think about what kind of life you already have. Then again, money is not the end all and be all, it doesn't matter how many children you have, there's always a chance of the bottom falling out, but is the fear great enough to stop; discipline and caring for children is alway there, no matter how many you have; and finally, I love what we have, these little boys are my treasures and I tell them everyday I couldn't imagine not having them, and not doing what we're doing. Yes its hard to deal with the stress we're going through, but that's not because we have three instead of two, it could have easliy happened with two and not three, or four (or more) instead of three; it is what it is because it just is. I can't control what happened to our house-in my life, I can only control my own actions. The rest I can influence, but I don't have control. I'm not as far fetched as some people, leaving how many children we have up to God (ie no birth control), but I will say that what will be, will be, and if having one more is meant to happen it will. On one hand I want to figure this out, and on the other, I want to let it go-let it go and just enjoy the ride, because who knows, maybe we'll have another. Nothing is set until we actually keep the appointment that was cancelled twice.