Monday, May 11, 2009

The gift

So much is focused on material items for Mother's Day, when the true meaning is lost in the shuffle. I don't know if its because my kids are still young, I treasure the colored drawings, the hand tracings, the simple things. I look forward to my children growing independant, our relationship blossoming from one of primary physical caring to emotional well being.

Seeing my mom's unraveling, from her need to control everyone, through kicking children out, to now this messy divorce, I'm understanding more why self care is so important. I can't take care of my children forever, nor will they necessarily take care of me (although the thought of them passing on a nursing home to take care of me is appealing). I can't control them forever, nor can I control what other people say and do (including my husband, siblings, everyone under the sun).

I almost lost my mind yesterday for a bit-R was extremely tired, I felt I was doing more work than he was w/ the kids, not to mention the kids wanted to veg in front of the tv, I wasn't getting royal treatment and for a split second I wanted to pout. Darn it, it was Mother's Day, it was supposed to be about me! Then I chilled-because I realized my grumpy mood was more about my mom's self absorbed phone calls than not being doted on. I set up the kiddie pool, kids ran out for that. I grabbed a Corona and took a big chill pill. Later when R decided he was tired and wanted to nap, I turned the tv off, and told R I was going out for dinner, and if anyone wanted to come, great-if not, I was taking the baby and going out-I was not cooking today! Realizing I can't control everything-only what I do, that's the bottom line. I didn't care if I ate McDs or a five course meal, I knew I didn't want to cook. The night ended well, and R ommented he knew my foul mood earlier was because of my mom. While it could have left a huge damper on the day, I decided it was more important to enjoy what I do have, instead of what I don't. There's enough sadness and pity in the world-no reason for me to add to it.

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