Monday, December 8, 2008

Will there be one more?

Geez, I'm not sure whether or not I should add a new label-fourth child. Last night we talked about how the day went, and I was talking to R about the three beautiful little girls behind us at the Santa line. It was something about their hair, the winter dresses, something in me stirred. Its not to say I don't love the ambulance, police, trucks, rough and tumble play. I do, it's all I know. When I mentioned it to R, he said he noticed them too. That and some other sighting of a baby girl recently, it makes me wonder, is the recent thoughts of having another child because I want a girl, or because I possibly want one more child.

Its getting to that point where its easy with three children, and I know this is the usually when I become pregnant-just from past experience. I told R about this, and he knows it too. Do we want to go down that road again? Do we care if its a boy or a girl-I don't, R said he doesn't care, but I think now I would want to know the gender, only because R has let me have the experience twice of not knowing, he should have his chance to know. Then again, do we want to start all over? I'm not sure I want to physically go through pregnancy, having a newborn, all over again, yet I know my heart has room for more children. Then again, hearing the trials and tribulations of my SIL having a surly teenage daughter (who just last year was pure joy-thats what happens when they turn 13 and are in the 8th grade), I don't want to adopt a teenager. Then again, teens have different needs than newborns. Either way, I want my children to be close in age, or at least get through the baby stage with all of them before having a taste of pure diaper-stroller-carseat freedom.

Another consideration-Do I want to put my career further on hold, or do I just plan on being a working mom? Money is always a concern-but in the grand scheme of things, it'll all work out. I don't want to regret not having more children later on, not that I do now, but man, when things get easy, it leaves room for thinking about adding to our family.

There's so much to think about, I told R we have to be careful, it would be just our luck to get pregnant again in February like we did with our two younger boys. He laughed, knowing its true, and always a possibility. I won't be disappointed if we become pregnant, I won't be disappointed if we don't. R has already told me he feels the same way, because he knows that if we were both 100% serious about not having more children, we'd take permanent action.

So stay tuned, we'll see what develops this year.

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