Always on guard

Today R and I had a profound conversation, and it didn't start that way. We were talking about our going to Santa Maria to see his dad, and how I know he would really like to see him. In fact, we all would-both R's dad and his wife have yet to meet E and he's already almost a year old. Getting away-that would be nice-the last trip we took was for R's uncle's memorial service, and that whole trip was tinged with sadness. Anyways, we were talking about going and I commented on how I hoped he didn't mind me being so cautious with our money. I logically understand why I do it, but that doesn't always mean I like it. Heck, I'd love to just pick something up and not think okay, this is going to cost how much, or should we pay for it with cash, or credit, or is it going to haunt me months from now if I don't eat it, wear it, use it, etc. He looked at me and said, no I'm glad you are the way you are, it helps our family go so much further. Talk about validation. I love my husband.

We're on the fence about going to Santa Maria. We'll think about it over this week and make a decision. I told R we can forgo birthday meals out and other $ activites, and pool our resources for that trip. There's not much else to cut-we're already doing what we can, and I know its making a difference. We're not eating out, we're using the food we have at home. Waste is minimal (it happens), but we're human, we're learning all the time about how to do things better, more efficiently, and most importantly, not forgetting about living in the moment with our boys. That last one is sometimes the hardest when it comes to independance and temper tanutrums and who does what and who goes where.

So tonight I'm running off on a tanget, but sometimes I just need to clear my head. I was feeling a bit bogged down-hopefully this will help me stay on track.